The world still goes round
by Defafaeth Mechqua
Summary: *Complete* PG13 for swearing. Piccolo is a girl and Gohan has a crush on her. The only thing is Chi Chi and Piccolo don't find it all that amusing. . . chapters are extremely short.
1. There is no escape from him

Piccolo surveyed the area. {How lovely. Deserted, lonely, FAR away from civilization. And last but not least very VERY far away from Gohan!!!}  
  
  
Piccolo did her very wavy dark blackish-purple hair back into a braid, it hung a bit past her hips. She took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air, and shouted out, "Finally!!! I'm free!!!!!"  
  
  
"HEY PICCOLO!!!!!!" A certain teenage halfling shouted.  
  
  
Piccolo groaned almost sobbing in frustration but not allowing herself to do so, "Why?! Why must I be plagued by that blasted half saiyan!!?? What did I do to deserve this? Okay besides killing half a thousand innocent men, women, children, and animals?" She muttered.  
  
  
For quite awhile now, ever since Gohan's 17th birthday, the teenage halfling had been following the namekian female around. Everyone thought it was cute that Gohan had a little crush on his former mentor, everyone that is except for Chi Chi and Piccolo. As a matter-of-fact the two actually teamed up (believe it or not) to try and get Gohan off Piccolo's back, but no matter what the two women did he always found away around it. Trying to get Gohan purposefully grounded failed, especially when the two realized that he could just fly away, not that they hadn't thought of it, its just, they thought Chi Chi's will would keep him at bay. They tried other things too, like bribing the teacher's to give Gohan more homework, giving him a cold, setting him up on blind dates. . . .but Gohan was really smart, saiyans practically NEVER get sick and he ditched his dates.   
  
  
Gohan landed in front of the namek with that smile that annoyed the fuckin' hell out of her, "Hi Piccy-chan! I finished my homework and mom said that I could do whatever I want - well as long as its legal. So how's Dende?"  
  
  
"He's just fine." Piccolo said, resisting the sudden urge to slap Gohan in the face and fly away.  
  
  
"So Piccy-chan - "  
  
  
"Call me "Piccy-chan" again and I'll skin you alive." The namekian girl growled.  
  
  
Gohan put up his hands as if saying all-right-search-me, "Gee sorry, Piccy - I mean Piccolo - so you wanna spar?"   
  
  
{Dende!!! PLEASE let lightning strike me!!! PLEASE kill me!!! PLEASE let Gohan's cell phone ring and let Chi Chi be screaming her head off for him to come home!!!! PLEASE!!! If you do I swear upon my soul that I'll. . . . . . . . .be your dancing partner.} Piccolo sent the mental message to Dende.  
  
  
Dende asked excitedly.   
  
  
{I'm desperate. Just PLEASE!!!!}  
  
  
  
  
  
"So Piccolo, I was just wondering if you'd - " Gohan's cell phone rang he picked it up and answered, "Hello. Oh hi mom! What? But mom! NO! Not that! Fine. . . . .but if I die its their fault!" he disconnected.  
  
  
Piccolo's brightened, though you couldn't tell, "That your mom?"  
  
  
Gohan sighed and mumbled, "Yeah. She wants me to baby-sit the "Twaster twins" though many people call them the "Twister twins". They're major brats."  
  
  
"Oh well. You'll just have to go, after all your mum wouldn't like you disobeying her." Piccolo said in an almost sing-song voice.  
  
  
Gohan's face dropped, he nodded and after 5 minutes flew off back home.  
  
  
Piccolo sighed in relief. {Thanks.}  
  
  
  
  
  
{I know how to count!!! And please spare me the milliseconds.}  
  
  
*____________*_____________*_____________*_____________*______________*_____________*   
  
  
That sucked. Go ahead flame, like it, kill it, no wait - kill me. 


	2. Cranes are rare

"Ow. . . . . . . son of a . . . . .ergh. . . . .Dende has got to be the worst dancer in this universe!!" Piccolo groaned as she soaked her feet in the hot water spring. She sighed contentedly.  
  
  
"Garooo!!!" Tabit, Piccolo's pet a greater sand hill crane, flapped his wings.  
  
  
Piccolo laughed, "You're right Tab, maybe I should purposely step on his foot. After all why should I feel all the pain?"  
  
  
Tabit flapped around, did a flip, twirled and bowed, all the while purring. Then he ran over to the namek, nuzzled her and placed his head on her lap.  
  
  
"I love you too, Tab." She said and stroked the crane's long neck.   
  
  
"Uh. . . . . . .hi Piccolo. Is this a bad time?" Gohan said appearing, seemingly, out of nowhere.   
  
  
Piccolo inwardly screamed, was there no time when that pesky little bug DIDN'T bug her? But worst of all he caught getting all sentimentally mushy with an animal!!!! "No. Its not a bad time."  
  
  
The half saiyan skipped over to where Piccolo was sitting with her feet still in the water and sat down. "Wow that's a greater sand hill crane. They're supposed to be really secretive and shy around people. Where'd you find it?"  
  
  
"Got driven from the nest when HE was just a downy. I even saw his sister shove him out. Almost died in the muck if I hadn't scooped it up, I left it there to die but it followed me. Even managed to find me when I had flown just about 5 miles from the area. Must've imprinted me as his mum." Absent mindedly she stroked the crane's white feathered neck. "He's 5 years old. Name's Tabit"  
  
  
"Wow. Crane's are very rare these days, almost extinct. You should have released him when he was old enough to fly."  
  
  
Piccolo shrugged, "I tried but Tab followed me instead of the other cranes. Its even almost as fast as me in flight and can sense power levels too." She patted the crane's beak, "Funny bird."  
  
  
Gohan smiled then frowned, "What happened to your feet? They look like you've been dancing with Dende."  
  
  
Piccolo turned her head slowly and stared at Gohan. "What?! I was only kidding! So what happened?"  
  
  
Piccolo turned her head and looked straight ahead blinking, "I was dancing with Dende. . . ."  
  
  
Gohan blinked. "You're kidding right?"  
  
  
Piccolo shook her head. Tabit sensed uneasiness in his owner, "Ga-ga-roooooook?!"  
  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
  
Short. My ideas are running VERY far away from me. Must catch up!!! *runs after the ideas* Damn! Oh well I'll just go and wait for them. . . . . .home. They'll probably be there waiting at home for me like little Bo Peep's flock of sheep. 


	3. I think Goten likes me

"Hi mom! I'm home!" Gohan shouted as he casually walked into his house.  
  
  
"GOHAN!!!! Where on earth were you?! School ended 1 and 1/2 hours ago!!!!" Chi Chi's voice boomed, as she suddenly materialized out of nowhere in front of Gohan.  
  
  
Gohan strode past his mom casually, "Oh I was just sparring with Piccolo. Why?" He said casually. He casually kicked off his shoes and causally hung up his jacket and casually walked into the kitchen.   
  
  
Chi Chi was red faced and dangerous she followed him into the kitchen, "Gohan! How many times do I have to tell you NOT to go sparring with that green freak?!"  
  
  
"5,432,809,153 times. From when I was 6 to now. And SHE isn't a green freak, she is an alien from Namek."  
  
  
"Oh! My aren't we a smart alec?!" Chi Chi said getting dangerously close to hitting her little boy.  
  
  
"Well you always wanted me to be a scholar, and since scholars are smart I suppose yes. But I'm not really sure 'bout you." Gohan said causally cheerfully, as he casually ran upstairs to his room with a bowl full of buttered popcorn (Word of the day: "casually". C - A - S - U - A - L - L - Y, remember to use it ppl ^.~)  
  
  
"ERGH!!!!!! That boy!!! I swear I'm gonna kill him someday!!!!!" Chi Chi said throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation.   
  
  
*Ding Dong*   
  
  
Chi Chi crossed the room towards the door. She opened it to find Vegeta and Trunks standing at there.  
  
  
"Brought the brat over to play with Kakarrot's mini-me." Vegeta said gruffly.   
  
  
"Oh. How thoughtful of you princey!!!!" Chi Chi shouted before slamming the door in their bewildered faces.  
  
  
7-year-old Trunks looked up at his dad with a confused expression on his face, "So what did you break this time?"  
  
  
Vegeta looked at his son with the same disconcerted expression, "I was about to ask you the same question."  
  
  
"So wanna go to the park for some football?!" Trunks asked excitedly. Practically hopping up and down - no wait he was hopping up and down.  
  
  
Vegeta shrugged, "Since the GR is broken might as well." Then father and son blasted off to the park.  
  
  
As soon as the king and the prince flew off Chi Chi flung the door open and practically threw her son out then slammed the door shut. She then yelled for Goten not to come back home until dinner time.  
  
  
Goten got up and brushed himself off. "Trunks??" He tried to sense Trunks's power level but he hadn't learned how to do that yet. The energetic little saiyan shrugged, "Oh well I'll just go find Icarus and at dinner time."  
  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
" "I would never serve anyone as evil as you are EVER!!!!" Goten replied coolly as glass. So then he walked into the door and ghosted out. He marched down the unlit passages that were smeared in blood. Goten rounded the corner, he gasped because he saw. . . ." Piccolo said.  
  
  
Young little Goten gulped, "Saw what? Saw what!?!?!?!"  
  
  
Piccolo smirked then crossed her arms, "Saw that. . . . . . .it was time for him to go home for dinner."  
  
  
Goten groaned. "Aaaawwww. . .Come on Ms. Piccolo!!! You've gotta tell me what happened next!!!" Goten shouted insistently.  
  
  
Goten earlier that day had set off in search of Icarus but instead nearly died falling off a cliff, if it wasn't for Piccolo who heard his cries for help he would've fallen to his death. So for the rest of the day Goten had followed Piccolo around, now understanding why his older brother idolized the Namekian so much. Piccolo was thoroughly annoyed, when the young boy started plaguing her with questions and tried to shake the small boy off, but he followed her everywhere. That's when she decided to tell Goten a story, Goten being the main character and all.  
  
  
"No I'm serious", Piccolo explained, "Your mom'll get very mad at me for making you late for dinner, then she'll not want you hanging around me."  
  
  
Goten looked a bit dejected then jumped up - all smiles, "Ms. Piccolo can you take me home? I'm sure mom won't want her little boy walking all alone when its almost dark." He added with a smirk.  
  
  
Piccolo shook her head, "Fine. But we're walking, I don't like flying around at dusk."  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
"Ms. Piccolo, why are you green all over?"   
  
  
Piccolo quirked an eyebrow - err - eye ridge, "All nameks are green. I don't know why so don't ask."  
  
  
"No, no. I mean why are YOU green all over? Because Dende has pink bumps and black lines on his arms. But you don't, you're all green, why is it?" Goten asked holding Piccolo's hand.  
  
  
Piccolo opened her mouth, but closed it and pondered. She shrugged, "Must be because I'm a female." The two walked on in silence, "Why are you holding my hand?"  
  
  
Goten blushed, "Because your hand is soft, like silk. And you're. . . . . . . . really pretty." Goku's mini-me blushed even harder. "ButI'mreallyscaredofthedarktoo!!!" he added quickly.  
  
  
The feminine namek blinked {Dear Gaia!!! What is it with Goku's kids?! They all. . . . . .like me!!!}. She tried to pry off the smaller saiyan's grip but Goten would let go. "Dammit I don't think your mom will be very pleased with the fact that you're holding my hand."  
  
  
Goten shrugged, "Well that's what she wants. I'll do whatever I want without no one telling me to do no shit!"   
  
  
Piccolo was surprised to hear Goku's kid utter those words, she shrugged it off thinking that younger children were getting more and more rebellious and mature with each generation.  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
"Thanks Piccolo. For bringing Goten home." Chi Chi whispered after Goten said goodnight to the namek and ran inside.  
  
  
Piccolo nodded, "Now Chi I have some good, bad and worse news, which would you like first?"  
  
  
Chi Chi hesitated for a moment, "The good news, save the drama for later."  
  
  
"The good news is that Baba convinced the Grand Kai to let Goku come back."  
  
  
Chi Chi squealed with joy and hugged the startled Piccolo. Obviously it too startled Goku's wife for she pulled back and grinned apologetically. "Sorry. . . . but I'm sure you understand how Goku's coming back is so. . . . .you know!!! Now he can help raise Goten as well! Goten will be so happy!!!" She started dancing.  
  
  
Piccolo pitied Chi Chi, "Now for the bad news - Goku is only allowed to stay for 24 hours."  
  
  
Chi Chi stopped dancing and sank to her knees, "ONLY 24 hours? Gr. . . .great."  
  
  
"I know I myself was hoping he could stay for good. That way he could distract Gohan away from me." Piccolo turned to leave.  
  
  
Chi Chi stood up, "Wait Piccolo. You never told me the worse news. And don't say that it will only make me more depressed so just spill the beans." She put her hands on her hips and stood firmly.  
  
  
Piccolo's cape blew in the wind along with her long hair, "I'm starting to think Goten like's me." She flew off leaving a sobbing Chi Chi alone at her front door.  
  
  
* * * * *  
  
That sucked. Boogalagala 


	4. Snake down mah' ma's back there's a sna...

"Um . . . . so let me get this straight . . . . you want ME to distract Chi Chi by putting a snake, a S-N-A-K-E - snake, that could be poisonous, that will bite, that will hurt her, that will goodness-knows somehow find its way out of her skirt - down her back?????" Krillen repeated for the billionth time.  
  
"Yes Krillen, that's EXACTLY what I want you to do. PLEASE!!!" Gohan pleaded again.  
  
The Z-gang were having a picnic in the forest behind the Son's backyard. As usual Vegeta was leaning against a tree giving Yamcha the old Flirt-With-My- Mate-And-I-Will-Make-Your-Life-A-Living-Hell glare/scowl/look/glower. . .etc. Yamcha was keeping his distance, Goten and Trunks were plotting some great prank, Chi Chi was barbecuing, Bulma was making a salad, 18 was making some punch, and etc. Chi Chi although barbecuing was keeping a very VERY sharp eye on Gohan who was, with Krillen, behind a tree supposedly discussing school work and so on.  
  
The midget put his fists on his hip, "And you're doing this because you want to see Piccolo again but Chi Chi won't let you right?"  
  
"Krillen I'll do ANYTHING you want if you do this for me. Anything at all, ANYTHING YOU DESIRE. Just do this itty bitty task for me and I will be your eternal slave!" The halfling said dropping onto his knees, "And yes that's exactly the reason." he added.  
  
(Krillen made a face close to this ¬_¬) "Gohan you need a life." He sighed, "Fine I'll do it, but only 'cause you've saved my life before. . . .but I guess from this day forth I'll be sleeping on the couch."  
  
Gohan jumped up and. . err. . . 'embraced' Krillen. (By now Krillen had an expression close to this O.O)  
  
* * * * * *  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! THERE'S A SNAKE DOWN MY BACK!!!!!!!!"  
  
Gohan took this chance and flew up super fast while his mom was distracted.  
  
"KKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" There was a loud explosion followed by this, at which Gohan started flying away at mach 3 speed.  
  
Gohan chuckled. "Poor insignificant fool. I can't believe that little midget actually did as I bade him do." He muttered. Then he stopped, he had a look of pure surprise on his face. He slapped his head then muttered, "I've been spending way too much time with Vegeta. Now his influence is starting to rub off on me."  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile. . . .  
  
Piccolo was walking along in the woods with faithful Tabit beside her. "So Tabit what do you want to do?" She asked the crane.  
  
"Garrrrroooook. Grk grrriickya" Tabit said rubbing his head onto the Namek's side.  
  
The namek laughed, "Sure. . . . why not? After all. . . wait. . . . . no. . . . . not yet. My intuition is telling me that Gohan will show up . . . . . .and my intuition is never wrong ."  
  
Tabit looked up at the feminine namek with big cute puppy-err-crane eyes that'll make anyone do as it bade them do. Piccolo looked down at the crane she had already created an immune system to the crane's look, after about 50,000 of them. Until. . . . . "Grrroook Grrriickya, grrooooooookkk?" (translation: Please Piccolo, pleeeeeaaaaase?") The crane purred in the cutest sweetest gentlest voice which was, in reality, impossible.  
  
Piccolo turned away, Tabit knew he had her and kept on pleading in the same cute way. The warrior had big ears meaning she had really very good hear, and she couldn't block out the sound even if she covered her ears. Tabit knew that in just a matter of seconds Piccolo would turn around and comply with his request after all NO ONE, not even the great Piccolo, could resist Tabit when he started purring.  
  
"ALRIGHT! Fine I'll. . . . . .dance. But if 'it' sees me dancing then. . . . ." Piccolo said acidly. ('It' is what Piccolo refers to Gohan as :P)  
  
Tabit did a flip, "Gaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrroooooooook!!!!"  
  
The sandhill crane started flapping his wings and running around in circles, clapping his beak, jumping, flipping and etc. Piccolo hesitated a moment before she started imitating the crane.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
"Now let me see. . . oh there she is, just in the next clearing. I better lower my power level if I'm gonna surprise her." Gohan though out loud. He crept as silently through the dense brush.  
  
"Tabit can we stop now?! I have this funny feeling that someone is coming. . . ." Piccolo's voice drifted through the forest silently.  
  
There was some flapping, and then a clicking sound, "Gaaagaaarrroook."  
  
Gohan pushed his power level even lower. "Tabit! Please. I have this feeling that Gohan is nearby. . . .well how should I know?! Its just, ever since he started stalking me. . . .I just know when he's stalking me!!! And my senses are NEVER wrong!"  
  
Gohan was surprised to hear this. He didn't bother lowering his power level anymore, she knew he was hear so he might as well just walk straight out to her. "Hi Piccolo-chan!!" he smiled goofily like his dad.  
  
Piccolo was standing with her arms crossed and a scowl plastered on her face. She grunted a hello then turned away. Tabit was sulking beside the tall namek, with what appeared to be a scowl similar to that of the namek's. Gohan shook his head, the fact that a bird could scowl was preposterous. But the two did seem to have the same expression. {Oh well they always did say that the pets look and even act like their owners } Gohan thought.  
  
Piccolo turned and raised an eye ridge, "Who the hell ever said that? And Tabit isn't my 'pet'."  
  
The halfling's eye brows shot up so high that they were in danger of getting lost in his hair. "How did you. . . can you. . . . ?"  
  
The female namek smirked, "Yes. I can. And can do more than you know."  
  
Gohan stared in awe struck wonder at the namek of his dreams (A/N: Yuck I HATE being mushy *gags* And if you're wondering why I'm doing this its because I'm trying to be original but failing miserably at it).  
  
"So. . . you knew I was gonna come here in the first place, right?" The halfling asked.  
  
"Unfortunately." The namek responded pushing her hair behind her ears.  
  
When Gohan had made sure that there was an invisible firewall surrounding his head he thought {She looks cute when she pulls her hair back like that. And when she pets Tabit, she looks almost motherly}. He noted with extreme self pleasure to see that Piccolo hadn't picked up that thought.  
  
{Does he honestly think I don't know what he's thinking?! My god, he's even more idiotic and foolish than Vegeta. Well. . . . he does spar with that saiyan. . . . . . thank god I can make copies of myself!} the namek thought thankfully.  
  
"So anyway - " But poor Gohan was cut off.  
  
"GOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!" Chi Chi screamed from somewhere.  
  
Piccolo's eyes widened, "IhavetogonowandhelpDendewithbeinggodandallbye!!!!" then she and Tabit was gone faster than you could say "I hate my mom'.  
  
Gohan gulped, knowing instantly that his bald friend had fessed up {Traitor . . . . }. Chi Chi jumped down from the hover car she was riding in and slowly walked up to her 'beloved son' leaving deep footprints as she walked up to her boy.  
  
Gohan gulped. He was doomed. Destined to die. A goner. Dead meat. Fresh kill. Gone with the wind. Gonna be hanged. He was just a dead man walking.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Sorry it took so long. I've been distracted by another fic I was typing up. 


	5. I'm gonna kill you Vegeta

"Gohan." Piccolo's voice sounded surprised, "What happened? Did Vegeta beat you up that badly?"  
  
Gohan moaned, he held a large piece of frozen meat up to his forehead obviously covering up a hideous bruise, "No. . . much worse. . . .worse than anything Vegeta could ever do. . . And even my dad and Vegeta are afraid of. . . . . worse than even facing Cell all those years ago." he groaned and sat down on the grass.  
  
Piccolo nodded wisely, "Ah. So what did Chi Chi use this time? Her favorite 'The Frying Pan Of Ultimate Doom' or her ruthless 'The Cane of Ultimate Pain And Disaster'?"  
  
Tabit pitied the poor little halfling and nuzzled him a bit. "Garoo Rooo Krrooog." he said trying to comfort the distraught half saiyan.  
  
Gohan trembled, "It . . . . was horrible . . . . . Mom dragged me home and made me study. . . . .and study . . . . and study . . . and study. . . . and study. . . and study . . . . ." he repeated as if he was in a trance.  
  
His sensei put a comforting hand on the very harassed looking kid, "Its okay Gohan everyth - "  
  
But before the namekian female could finish her sentence ex-pupil buried his head in her stomach, hugged her tightly and started bawling his eyes out, all the while shouting out, "IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! THAT DVEIL I CALL A MOTHER MADE ME READ AND REREAD EVERY MOTHER FUCKING TEXT BOOK SHE OR I OWNED!!!! SHE MADE ME DO ALL THE CHORES WITHOUT THE USE OF MY POWERS!!!!! I GOT VERY LITTLE FOOD AND SHE . . . SHE - " he started crying again.  
  
Piccolo didn't know what to do. Well you wouldn't neither, let's imagine - there's half saiyan kid that's crying her/his eyes out on your stomach who also happens to have a crush on you, you have no idea what-so-ever if he's/she's faking it or if Social Services should take him/her to another home. What do you do? In this particular case the namek turned to her crane friend and gave him a what-do-I-do look.  
  
Tabit not wanting to stick around and be part of this traumatic experience turned and flew away. {Traitor} Piccolo sent the thought to Tabit, it was either he didn't hear it or he ignored it completely but either way he was long gone by now. "Gohan. . . . Your mom - " Piccolo tried again, only to be hugged even tighter and the tears leak out more and more. {All right. Note to self: NEVER EVER say the word Chi Chi, your mother, parent, etc. ever again in Gohan's face.} "Gohan. Please stop crying." The female once again tried only using a different approach.  
  
Gohan just cried even more. Piccolo put a hand on her friend's head and began stroking his head, knowing only from her inner Kami, that this was how you calmed someone down.  
  
{Old man is this really how you would calm him down? Or are you just trying to give the brat a chance?}  
  
[Piccolo, my child. Why would you ever-]  
  
{Because behind that facade kind niceness of yours, I know there lies an evil plotting man waiting to make his counter parts daughter a living hell. AND DON'T CALL ME YOUR CHILD!!!!!}  
  
[Very well my chi - Piccolo. I am just trying to help. And it would do you some good to just at least go out once with the child. He really likes you.]  
  
{Ppfffft. Have you no brain Kami?! Not only would that ruin my rep but Chi Chi would most likely try and kill me for doing so! Besides I made a pact with her that I would NOT go out with him EVER. And after we've taken a good look at that, there is also the fact that I'm like 6 years his senior!!!}  
  
[Like you yourself have said so many times, "some promises are made to be broken". And your reputation won't be ruined, people would just look at you differently. And last but not least, being his senior doesn't change much, why there have been 39 year old men who have married 46 year old women. Besides no one else will care . . much.]  
  
{If I say I'll go out with him - ONCE and only ONCE. Do you think he'll shut up?}  
  
[Why don't you try?]  
  
Piccolo sighed, "Gohan shut up and I promise I'll go out with you." she grumbled. And instantly he jumped back, his tears gone like a faucet that had been turned off.  
  
He smiled broadly, "Thanks. Sorry for tricking you. But . . . . . you know. I'll see tomorrow night at 7:00 pm sharp - I'll bring you something to wear. I have to go now and thank Vegeta!!!"  
  
But before he could jump up and fly away the namek interrupted, "Thank Vegeta? DID HE SET THIS UP????" she glared.  
  
"Of course he did. Who else could've come up with such a brilliant devious plan which could only lead to him being brutally beaten? Oh and your 'inner Kami' was threatened to convince you or else. " He smiled from ear to ear. "Well gotta go. You can give Tabit the meat." He said referring to the meat which was lying on the ground. Then he was gone.  
  
{That bastard. He didn't even have a real bruise!!!! VERY VERY VERY important mental note to self: Kill the scum of the universe that is known as Vegeta!!!!! KAMI!!!!!} [................]  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~ ** ~~~~~~~~ ** ~~~~~~~~ ** ~~~~~~~~~ **  
  
That wasn't a really good fic. I know I'm speeding things up, but there are other fics that I have to finish as well. 


	6. Mind Control

{Kami. If you weren't fused with me I'd kill you.}  
  
  
[*sigh* I'm very sorry for deceiving you my child but - ]  
  
  
{Quit calling me your child! I am NOT your child! I am your counterpart's child, which would probably make you my uncle. . . . .Feh! I wish I could stab myself for being such a trusting idiot! I should've known that Vegeta's influence would rub off on him. But NO I just thought 'Gohan is too pure to be swayed under the influence that is of the dark side', gah!!!! This just proves that I'm getting too soft to question motives.}  
  
  
[But my ch - Piccolo. Just give him a chance. He is still young, in time he'll see that his isn't in love with you. He'll then go for someone of either of his species, just wait and see.]  
  
  
{Feh!} was Piccolo's only response as she felt Gohan's power signature approaching at an impossible speed, even for a half saiyan.  
  
  
Nail teased, thinking of what a beautiful opportunity Gohan had given him.  
  
  
{Don't tempt me Nail. You don't know how deranged this namek can be.} Piccolo thought savagely.   
  
  
Gohan landed next to the lone namek (I love that phrase ^-^ the lone ranger, the lone namek. . . the lone saiyan!! lol), he had a bundle under his arm. "Hello Piccolo-chan!"  
  
  
Piccolo growled menacingly, "NEVER call me Piccolo-chan again or I'll snap your neck in half." She said her voice not even recognizable to that of a man or woman.  
  
  
But the ignorant happy half saiyan didn't seem to have heard her, he just walked up to humming a song which the namek strongly suspected was something mushy. "Here. We're gonna go to a movie." Gohan said handing the female namek some civilian clothing.  
  
  
Piccolo scrunched her face up in disgust, "Why do I have to wear this? Aren't my clothes that I wear now good enough?" she growled.  
  
  
"Well, Piccolo, you see most girls don't dress the way you do, and uh . . . . . I just wanted you to look nice." Gohan said playing around with his fingers.  
  
  
At that precise moment Nail thought it would be funny - no - hilarious to take over Piccolo's body for a while. Yes he could do that, although only for a short amount of time, mind you, Piccolo had no clue that either Kami or Nail could do that. So there went Nail, he shoved Piccolo's consciousness back just enough for her only to be able to watch, it was difficult at first but soon he had full control of his host's body. Piccolo - err -Nail smiled sweetly at Gohan. "Thanks sweety." Then Nail winked.  
  
  
Piccolo fought and yelled {NAIL!!! GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!! GIVE ME BACK MY BODY OR ELSE!!!!!}  
  
  
Nail thought back with a smirk as she - err - he (confusing I know) walked behind a tree to change. Piccolo continued swearing at Nail in every language from Swedish to Filipino to Punjabi to Australian, but no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't get her body back until the amounted time was up. Meanwhile the frustrated namek felt Kami laughing his ass off over this whole affair.   
  
  
Nail looked at the clothing she/he'd have to wear, a black T-shirt that said: 'I'm not opinionated, just always right.'(I've seen this shirt at wall mart and dear lord I want it!!!!), jean flare pants, white socks, and white rubber shoes. Nail sighed, "The things I go through to utterly embarrass and humiliate Piccolo." He/she muttered.  
  
  
{NAIL!!!! I SWEAR, IF YOU PUT THOSE CLOTHES ON SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE!!!!!!} Piccolo mentally screamed out.  
  
  
But Nail was ignoring Piccolo, he rather hesitantly (remember Piccolo bears err certain similarities to the human women anatomy. . . ) took off his/her clothes, and dawned on the new attire. He/she walked from behind tree, she/he smiled sweetly (*gags*), "So how do I look koi?"  
  
  
Gohan, though love-struck, knew something was wrong. All Piccolo had ever called him was an annoying little brat, kid, baka or *beep*ing son of a *beep*, but love???? He might have been a bit dense thanks to Goku but there is a brain somewhere back there. "Um . . . Piccolo did you just call me love?"   
  
  
{FUCK YOU NAIL!!!!!!! GOD DAMMIT GIVE ME BACK MY BODY YOU BLOODY SON OF A BITCH!!!!!OR ELSE I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR FUCKING FORSAKEN LIFE A BLOODY DAMNED LIVING HELL!!!} Piccolo mentally screamed. (and you wonder why Chi Chi doesn't want Gohan hanging around Piccolo)   
  
  
Now you don't really know Nail, but he's sly and I mean sly. He could be seen by a whole crowd murdering someone and he could still get away with it, using only his words. Unfortunately for Piccolo, she doesn't know that. Nail smiles, "Of course I did silly. Who else do I know who's as cute as you?" And all the while Piccolo's consciousness is screaming and fighting to get control of her body once more.  
  
  
Gohan just gapes at his former sensei, "C. . cute? Me?! I . . . I thought you hate me!!!"   
  
  
Kami was laughing his butt off and he could hardly send any thoughts to Nail for him to cease his foolishness. But Piccolo meanwhile is just silent now, seething mad but what could she do about it?  
Nail flicks her/his hair, "Well to tell you the truth, I . . . . . I've always liked you. I just never said . . . because I didn't want your mom to get all upset. Do you understand? Chi Chi will . . . . never accept me for what I am because of what I've done in the past. Oh I'm so sorry!!!" She/he sniffled and turned her/his back to the halfling.   
  
  
Kami once again has a laughing fit and who could blame him? If anyone of the other Z-warriors heard what Piccolo - dammit - Nail said then they'd for sure know its was fake and think it funny. But Nail had known Gohan long enough to know how gullible he was. And sure enough the gullible fool walked up and patted the possessed namek's back. "Its okay Piccolo-chan. Mom doesn't need to know everything that goes on in my life." He said giving him/her a reassuring smile.  
  
  
Now Nail was losing his power over Piccolo's body, he could've stayed in control longer if only he wasn't mentally laughing along with Kami. And Piccolo knew wasn't gonna be long before Nail lost total control and she could mentally torture Nail until the end of time. And Nail unfortunately for Piccolo (fortunate for us) realized this and wasted no time at all. He wanted revenge for all those times Piccolo had ignored him, all those times that she mentally tortured him, all those times when she was mean to Dende. And this was it. Nail finally had full control of Piccolo's body, it was now or never. He knew he'd be probably be killed for his courageous act, his spirit would wither away, he knew that what he was about to do next was suicidal. He might as well just stab himself in the heart right now. But he knew that mental torture was a much more potent weapon than anything else. He bravely did what no namek had EVER done before. (Damn I just made him sound like a war hero)  
  
  
Nail in Piccolo's body spun around and pounced on Gohan knocking him to the ground, then started making out with the him!!! Piccolo mentally screamed every swear word, insult and curse, in the universe then when she didn't know anymore she invented some of her own. Meanwhile Kami just started laughing so hard that he didn't make any noise at all. And Gohan was all dazed. At that moment Nail lost all control and Piccolo was suddenly back in control of her own body. First thing she did was punch Gohan so hard on the head that she knocked him out. She went behind the tree and changed back into her old clothes. Then flew back towards the lookout, she needed someone to bully, and both Kami and Nail were already rotting in hell, thank to her mental torture techniques.  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
"Gohan. Gohan." Someone was gently shaking the halfling.  
  
  
When Gohan opened his eyes he closed then opened them again and saw that he was is in a hospital, he assumed he was in a hospital because of the white room he was in. He got up slowly, he felt like someone hit him on the head with the moon. He looked around and sure enough he was in a hospitable bed. He looked to his left and immediately saw his mother crying by his side, and Goten looking at him with wide eyes.  
  
  
"Oh Gohan. I was so afraid . . . . . .when you didn't come home I thought . . . . . . ." Suddenly his mom burst into tears.  
  
  
Goten looked up at his big brother with a mixture of awe and envy, "We thought you were dead. 'Cause when I found you, you definitely looked dead. But you were smiling." The little fighter said puzzled.  
  
  
"I was?" Chi Chi looked up, tears streaming down his face.  
  
  
"But what happened? Whoever or whatever did that to you. . . it must've been horrible!!!!" Chi Chi hugged her son tightly to her.   
  
  
Gohan smiled, smiled a Goku like smile. "Actually it was the best night of my life."  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
Okay that was demented. But I'm only my 4th cup of coffee (I usually need 6 or 8 before I'm awake - I'm serious) and its 2:30 am and I have work in an hour and a half. 


	7. I can't of a name that fits sweatdrop

"Good morning Piccolo-chan!!!!" Gohan greeted his former mentor.  
  
Piccolo was still in bed and was not happy with the being disturbed from her sleep at 4:00 am in the morning. She grabbed a pillow and hurled it at the unsuspecting halfling, hitting him square in the face. "Its 4:00 am in the morning, this place better be on fire or your dead." She groaned. Piccolo opened her eyes and glared at her tormentor.  
  
"Nope. I just brought you a present. Its all the way from Mexico! Look!" The half saiyan brought out a large sombrero and a dark blue poncho that matched.  
  
Piccolo's eye twitched. She was gonna yell at the young boy but thought better of it, she knew that would do nothing and it'd be better not to wake the others. "Toss over with the other stuff." She muttered as she lay her head down to sleep.  
  
Gohan smiled and placed the sombrero and the poncho beside the other presents he got her. Ever since the night Nail took over Piccolo's body, Gohan started following the namek everywhere, he started playing hooky (gasp!) and never let the frustrated namek out of his sight, unless she was in the washroom. The female namek was also awoken in the middle of the night by the halfling just so that he could give her little 'gifts'. Dolls from Wales, a dress from Paris, a bagpipe from Scotland, a kimono from Tokyo, an ivory carving from Africa, authentic Yeti fur from the Himalayas, shrunken heads from Papa New Guinea, etc. Her room was buried with items from around the world. Even though the poor namek explained over and over and over again that Nail had taken over her body and that it wasn't her at that time, he still didn't believe her enough.  
  
Piccolo had fallen asleep on her bed and was breathing silently. Gohan crept over to the sleeping namek and sat down quietly on the bed. He looked wonderingly at the green warrior. The halfling gently brushed some of Piccolo's long purple hair from her face. The namekian groaned, under her eyelids Gohan could see that her eyes were darting here and there. {Must be a bad dream. Poor Piccy-chan} Gohan thought.  
  
"Gohan. What are you doing here?" Mr. Popo said from the doorway.  
  
Gohan turned surprised by the quietness of the genie's approach. "Oh . . . um . . . I was just giving Piccolo something. . . ." he said with a blush.  
  
"Oh. Well Dende wants Piccolo in his study right away." The black fat man (all right YOU come up with a better description!) said.  
  
"At 4:00 in the morning?" the demi-saiyan questioned.  
  
The genie sighed, "The two have made a deal. Dende did something for Piccolo, and in return she must now suffer a whole year of dance practice with Dende. You should see how. . . . err. . . 'injured' Piccolo's feet are."  
  
Gohan blinked, "Piccolo can dance? Weird. Though I can picture her doing the tango . . . . ."  
  
Piccolo stirred under her blanket. She sat up and scowled menacingly at the other two men in her room, "Popo its 4:00 in the morning. If Dende wants me to practice with him now, then he'll have to tie me up and drag me!" the female namek growled.  
  
Suddenly a lasso rope loop dropped down on top of the irritable Piccolo, the rope tightened around her. Before she could do anything about it Dende jumped out and tied the rest of the rope around her. He gave one last tug and smiled. "I knew no one in the right mind would get out of bed at 4:00 in the morning. So I decided to drag you into my study, since you won't come peacefully. By the way that rope that I tied you up in is 'energy decreasing rope' it'll make sure that your power level is decreased to that of a normal human." He smirked as he watched Piccolo try and escape.  
  
"You asshole. I swear on my name that I WILL get you back for this!!!" Piccolo hissed though clenched teeth. She stuggled with the bonds, but was dragged by Dende all the way to his study, the door slammed shut and polka music filled the air.  
  
Mr. Popo shook his head sadly, "I keep wondering if Piccolo will ever . . . . be free of those horrible traumatic scars which Dende keeps putting on her."  
  
Gohan shuddered, "Polka. I feel so sorry for Piccolo. Poor girl."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Okay I know that was short. I know that sucked. But I can't think of any fillers. 'Cause I already know what the ending will be like but I just don't know what to put in between. 


	8. Dealings with the devil's lackey

"MR. GOHAN WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Gohan opened both eyes slowly and sat up lazily, "Yes Mr. Coup?" he said annoyed, {I could kill this guy without lifting a finger. He's lucky, SO lucky that I live with a control freak mom.} he thought.  
  
Mr. Coup the very rounded balding physics teacher walked up to the half saiyan and glared, "Mr. Gohan. Do you know what the answer to that question on the board?!" he pointed to the board where this question with a huge number of numbers were scattered.  
  
Gohan merely glanced at it, "666. Otherwise known as the devil's number." He yawned. He learned all of this 7 years ago, the only reason he continued going to school was because he wouldn't be subject to non-stop studying.  
  
The physics teacher blinked, "That is . . . . . correct." He sounded very surprised.  
  
"Can I go now? I've answered the da-" the halfling struggled not to use any profanity, " the question, which took some guy 8 years to answer." Gohan growled. He glared intensely and menacingly at the teacher.  
  
"Go. . . go right ahead." Mr. Coup stuttered, the class stared, Mr. Coup NEVER stuttered.  
  
The halfling smirked, "Good." He got up, took all his stuff and walked out with the rest of the class staring.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~  
  
"You're late - again. Though that isn't a surprise." Vegeta grunted. He was draped in a hooded cloak, his face was hidden in the shadows.  
  
Gohan raised an eyebrow when he walked over to the tree where the saiyan prince was standing arms crossed, "What? I actually had to scare the physics teacher just to get out early. And what's with the goth look?"  
  
Vegeta rolled his eyes though Gohan couldn't see, "I'm not trying to look goth. I'm not even supposed to be here. If the woman even suspects I'm not in the GR right now. . . . . . I don't even want to think about it."  
  
"Well she should suspect you aren't in there. After all when you spar you make a lot of noise. By the way how come you aren't supposed to be here?"  
  
"I paid and blackmailed my brat to do some sparring in the GR and make it sound as if I'm in there, and also to stop the woman from suspecting that I'm gone. And you don't want to know." The saiyan prince said the last sentence with a heavy acidity. "Last but not least I called you over here because I've helped you with your little girl problem more than I should have. I want my payment in a year."  
  
The halfling swallowed the lump in his throat, "So what do you want in a year? All the money I'll make in a year? To be your slave for a year?"  
  
Vegeta scoffed, "Don't be stupid! Why the hell would I need bits and pieces of paper and metal? And as for you being my slave, no way. I already told you I want a year of your life, but I'll take it off the end - that way you won't miss it." he said with a smirk.  
  
{Okay I knew Vegeta was strange but this is just too weird, even for him. What does he mean a year of my life?} Gohan blinked in confusion, "Okay Vegeta. If that's what you want. Do you always ask for a year of someone's life when you help them? And what are you going to do with that year? And how does it work?"  
  
The prince chuckled, "No, actually. This is something new I've learned, I learned it from this book that belonged to my mother. She was gypsy, a witch you earthlings would call her. I see you don't believe me. Anyway I can take your one year and stretch it into ten years for me. As for you last question, give me your right hand and I'll show you . . . . ."  
  
Gohan reluctantly gave his hand over to the seemingly demented saiyan. Vegeta traced his left middle finger over the halfling's life line on his right palm. Gohan suddenly grabbed his chest and sunk to his knees, he felt searing pain he longed to scream but found he couldn't. The half saiyan suddenly felt fine as Vegeta let go of his hand. "What the hell did you do?" Gohan gasped.  
  
Vegeta turned to leave, "I already told you! I took a year of your life. And when you come to see me in 1 one day bring two rutabagas, a bag of pig's blood, 5 rotten eggs, 3 live tarantulas, a snake's brain, a cup of camel's spit and 10 dates. Oh and by the way your dad's gonna be here in a week or so." Then he was gone.  
  
Gohan got up and staggered a bit, he clutched his head. "Ow. Man, that's the last time I make any deals with the devil's lackey." He groaned then stood up straight the full meaning of Vegeta's words hit him like a ton of bricks, "Dad. . . dad. . . he's. . . . . he's. . . . coming home. . . ." He smiled and jumped up and did a flip. He fazed to the roof and when he sure no one was watching he transformed into 'The Great Saiyaman' (*rolls eyes*) and flew home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~  
  
"Mom! I'm home!" Gohan shouted as he walked through the door of his home.  
  
"I'm in the kitchen Gohan!" His mom shouted, from the kitchen (DUH!)  
  
"Mom! I have great news!!!" he said as he rushed into the kitchen. He jumped up and down excitedly, "Mom! Mom! Mom! Guess what?! Guess what?! Dad's coming home! DAD'S COMING HOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Chi Chi continued stirring a pot of soup as if it didn't mater much, "I know Gohan."  
  
Gohan stopped in mid jumped and fell down as a result, "You do?" he rubbed his head where he fell.  
  
"Yes Gohan." Chi Chi took a sip of the soup, "I've known for a long time. He'll be here in a week or so. And I'm sure you're wondering how I know, so let's just say that I have a very reliable source." She took some spices from a cabinet and put some in the pot, "By the way why are you home so early?"  
  
"Oh. The teacher let us go early today. Something about his wife having a baby." Gohan lied. He found it was easy to lie to his gullible trusting mom.  
  
"Hi Gohan!!" Goten said jumping onto his brother's back, "Guess what?! Me an' Nimbus an' Icarus found this really neato place, about half a mile to the east of the geysers, and its a hot spring!! You should go there! Its really really hot! And you should bathe too - you stink!!!" Goku's mini me laughed.  
  
"Oh really!" Gohan said pretending to be insulted. He grabbed his younger brother and noogied him hard.  
  
"OW!!! Come one Gohan! It was just a joke!!!" Goten said trying to get out of the headlock.  
  
"Stop it you two. Gohan, Goten is right you do need a bath. Maybe you should go to that spring." Chi Chi said waving her wooden spoon at the two little boys.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~  
  
Gohan walked into the blazing heat around him, "Whew! Goten was right when he said it was really really hot." He looked for a nice spot to take a swim in. He found a medium sized pond shaped pool, he threw his clothes aside and jumped in. "Ahhhhh. . . This is very relaxing." Gohan sighed closing his eyes.  
  
The demi-saiyan sighed a smile placed across his lips until someone screamed, Gohan's eyes snapped open only to find Piccolo with her face redder than a tomato's. They were both speechless and just stared at each other blushing profusely. Finally the namekian female turned around back to the halfling and spoke slowly, "Gohan. I'm going to count to 20. By then you will be gone and you've erased what just happened from your memory. 1. . . .2. . . .3. . . ."  
  
Gohan hopped out of the water and threw on his clothes quickly. He hesitated a bit. But his unreleashed demonic side was winning over his kind nice exposed angel side. He gulped. Piccolo was only on 15 and he didn't have a whole lot of time so he dove into the water and kissed her on the cheek before flying away fast as hell. {I am SO dead.}  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~  
  
Please Go To Your Local Library And Read This Book:  
  
Curses, Inc. And Other Stories By: Vivian Vande Velde 


	9. You make a title up I'm too lazy to

"I'm sorry Dende. Its all my fault my stupid insane idiotic fault." Gohan said sulkily as he and Dende played a game of chess.  
  
"I know, I know. No need to apologize, you did what you did and there's no changing the past we gotta live with the present and be prepared for the future. By the way, checkmate." Dende said claiming Gohan's king.  
  
Gohan sighed, "Piccolo won't even look at me. When I went to see her she ignored me - hell even Tabit did! I handed her flowers - she stepped on them, chocolates - she threw them in the water, a pure silver charm bracelet - she crushed it. A pure gold necklace - she pulled it apart bit by bit, a music box carved out of amethyst - smashed it against granite, a life like silk stuffed doll of a wolf - she ripped is seam for seam and stuffed the stuffing down my throat . . . . . . .It isn't funny Dende!!!! I nearly choked to death!!!!" Gohan growled as his namekian friend burst out laughing, "Anyway. I don't think she'll ever talk to me again as long as I live. But you know maybe Vegeta could help - "  
  
Dende stopped laughing and said in a serious voice, "Vegeta uses dark magic. I can tell he took a year of your life, don't go back to him, he'll only ask you for another one!"  
  
Gohan scoffed, "Sure. I'm pretty sure he uses magic right, sure any way see ya." And before the guardian of earth could protest he was off and away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Vegeta is in the basement, he said something about sorcery." Bulma said as Gohan entered through the window. She twurled her chair around and sighed exasperated, "Honestly do you saiyans even know what the use/meaning of a 'door' is?"  
  
Gohan laughed, "Of course we do. Its just that it ruins our entrances if we use the front door, by the way thanks." He said. He walked down the long hallway all the way to the basement door, it had a big red design on it that looked like it was recently painted. "Witchcraft." Gohan mused. He knocked on the door which creaked open slowly. Gohan walked in cautiously the lights were off and there was a cauldron under a fire at the far end of the room.  
  
"Gohan. Welcome, we were expecting you." Trunks said behind the teenager. Gohan spun around, his mouthed dropped when he saw the little chibi draped in a black hooded cloak over a black long sleeved robe. "Come, my father will converse with you now." Trunks said swiftly closing the door and walking towards the fire with Gohan trailing behind him in wonder.  
  
Vegeta stepped out of the shadows, similarly dressed in the same clothes as Trunks, as they neared the fire, "Welcome Gohan. As Trunks told you we were expecting you. I see you didn't bring all that I asked you to bring yesterday, but no matter I knew you'd forget. Which is why I took the liberty of getting the supplies necessary for the enchantment to work."  
  
"Enchantment?" Gohan said starting to get nervous ( well you would too if a guy who you thought was sane was starting to act very very. . . err. . . weird ).  
  
"Yes. You're having trouble with your with your one true love, am I right? Of course I am. Now I will just make a potion." Vegeta turned to the cauldron, he started adding stuff into the cauldron, he muttered some words over it add some more stuff and stirred.  
  
Gohan looked at the little Trunks standing beside him, "So Trunks. How long have you been learning sorcery?"  
  
Trunks scowled though Gohan wasn't so sure because of the cloak, "Will you shut it? Father is trying to concentrate on making the potion. If you're son intent on making noise then I suggest you leave and come back when it is ready." Trunks hissed, he sounded remarkably like his dad.  
  
Gohan didn't make a peep until Vegeta finally turned from the cauldron with a phial with a clear liquid in it. The saiyan prince walked up to the teenage demi-saiyan, "Bury this in the place where you love most, keep it there for 3 hours - no longer no shorter. Then bury it in the place you hate most, keep it there for 2 hours - no longer no shorter. Take it out, uncork it and sprinkle one grain of salt in it. Then take a piece of your hair, stick it in the liquid and then keep it in total darkness without touching the ground for an hour - no longer no shorter. Then last but not least, when you can no longer see the hair in the phial make the one you desire most drink it all." he handed the stuff to the bewildered Gohan.  
  
"VEGETA!!!!!" Bulma burst into the room knocking the door off its hinges.  
  
"How'd she get in?!" Trunks murmured to his father.  
  
"I have no idea. The sign on the door should've made it impossible for anyone uninvited to come here." Vegeta muttered back.  
  
"Vegeta!!! What on earth is that disgusting smell!?!?!?!?!? I can smell it all the way - " Bulma switched on the light and stopped in mid-sentence when she saw all three of them in the room.  
  
Vegeta scowled, "I told you woman. I was teaching Trunks sor - "  
  
"You and Trunks were spending time together?!" Bulma asked surprised, then she smiled, "OH!!! That is ssssoooo wonderful!!! I can't believe - oh and look!! You two have matching clothes on! You two look so cute!! Don't move I'll be right back!" And with that the blue haired human zoomed out of the room.  
  
"She's gonna take pictures isn't she, dad?" Trunks said with a sigh.  
  
"Yup." Was the small boy's father's reply.  
  
And in less time then it took for a person to blink Bulma was back with digital camera and was taking a bazillion pictures per mili-second. That's when Gohan thought it was time to make his exit, but as he left he heard Vegeta yell out, "You owe me a year!!!" The demi-saiyan took off for his home.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Defafaeth vs. Vegeta  
  
D 0=============)(==0 V D 0===)(============0 V D 0========)(=======0 V D 0=======)(========0 V D 0=)(==============0 V D 0 (===============0 V  
  
Winner: Vegeta Loser: Defafaeth  
  
Defafaeth: Damn you Vegeta!!!  
  
Vegeta: Two words: You SUCK!!! *flies away*  
  
Defafaeth: *grumble grumble* Next time: Me vs. Piccolo. 


	10. Who knew?

Gohan made his way home from school a bit sulkily, first of all he still owed Vegeta one of his years, then Videl found out he was Saiyaman AND wanted him to fight in a tournament AND wanted him to teach her how to fly. Can things get much worse? As long as I'm the author of this fic, hell yeah!  
  
"GOHAN!!!!" The halfling turned his head and saw that Videl was hot in pursuit in her chopper.  
  
"Dammit!" Gohan cursed. But he didn't lessen nor increased his speed. Videl finally had to charge up ahead.  
  
"Gohan! I told you to wait up!" she shouted through the roar of the machine.  
  
The halfling resisted the sudden urge to blast the machine and kill her, "No you didn't. Since you have such short-term memory I'll kindly remind you that you just shouted out my name."  
  
Videl scowled, "You better be nice Gohan! If you're not careful I just might let it slip that you're Saiyaman!"  
  
Gohan growled, "YOU are the one who'd better be nice. I can kill you if I wanted too, and it'd be easy since we're up in the air just cut off a few wires. . . . .they'd all think you had engine trouble and plummeted to your death." He snarled.  
  
Hercule's daughter smirked, "You wouldn't do that. You're 'The Great Saiyaman' doer of good, upholder of justice and a plain goodie to - " she suddenly screamed as the halfling grabbed the tail of the chopper and started swing it from side to side. Gohan snapped the chopper's blades and let go, he used his telekinetic abilities to prevent the flying machine from falling though.  
  
"I'm 'The Great Saiyaman'," Gohan said mimicking Videl's voice, "doer of good, upholder of justice and a plain goodie to shoe. Pfft, that's a laugh. I'm deranged, evil, demonic and will kill you if you start giving me trouble, girl." Gohan smirked evilly (Does anybody here think Gohan resembles a certain ouji we all know and love. . . . . . ?).  
  
"Gohan what the hell are you doing?"  
  
"She was giving me trouble. So I thought I might take care of it." Gohan said not turning around, knowing fully well that behind him hovered his idol. Of course if his mom ever found out how much he looked up to his idol. . . . . . well to cut it short, all hell would probably break loose.  
  
Vegeta snorted, "Nice way of taking care of her. But personally I would've at least flown up to a mountain and making it as if I were gonna slam her into it, you know give her a little taste of what might happen if she ever got on your bad side again. A taste of REAL fear." The ouji watched with pleasure as the scared Videl shook with rigid fear.  
  
"You wouldn't . . . . ."Videl squeaked barley audible.  
  
Gohan turned and smirked, "If you want you can join in on the fun too." But Vegeta shook his head saying that this was his kill and would come by later for the year. Gohan shrugged, "You're loss. But please, I must insist, that you at least stick around and watch." Gohan smirked a smirk identical to that of the prince's.  
  
Vegeta smirked back, "If you insist, then I can't very much turn your invitation down." He watched amused as Gohan grabbed the chopper's tail, they both flew beside each other to the Arctic with a close-to-tears Videl clinging on for dear life.  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
Okay. That was totally useless. Eh, I don't like Videl all that much for some reason so I decided to torture her. *sighs* If only all the saiyans and demi-saiyans in DBZ were evil . . . . . .the world would be a better place. Well. . . . there wouldn't exactly be a world that would be better. . . . Never mind. I think its good that some are goodies and some are baddies.  
  
Defafaeth vs. Piccolo D 0--------------)(----0 P D 0---------)(---------0 P D 0-------------------)0 P  
  
Defafaeth: *growls* Damn you, you let me win!!  
  
Piccolo: Well duh! I have better things to do okay? Sayonara. *flies away* 


	11. WTF!

"GOHAN!! PLEASE I'M SORRY!!! I'LL NEVER EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE TELL ANYONE YOU'RE SAIYAMAN!!! JUST PLEASE DON'T!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Videl screamed at the top of her lungs and her toes touched the cold Arctic water.  
  
Vegeta laughed at the human's antics, "This is better entertainment than watching those weakling human shows on TV!" the prince exclaimed. He laughed again as Gohan dipped the chopper into the icy water and Videl scrambled higher in an attempt to escape getting hypothermia.  
  
Gohan laughed along with the older saiyan. "Yeah! But this time its for real!" They both laughed as Videl burst into tears hysterically begging them to stop.  
  
*Briiiiiiiig*  
  
"Fuck. Where'd I put that . . . ." Vegeta reached into multiple pockets of his pants.  
  
*Briiiiiiiig*  
  
Vegeta pulled out a cell phone from the back pocket of his pants, "What? Why? Like hell I won't!!! If you're so intent on it then why don't you - . But - . What the hell is HE doing there?! That son of a - I'll be right there in 5 minutes, and if he does anything. . . . yeah c - ya." The saiyan prince put the cell phone away and turned to the halfling, "Something's come up. I'll have to go. But don't let that ruin your fun." Then he was gone zooming off at hyper speed.  
  
Gohan sighed at the loss of his companion. He really liked it when Vegeta was around, especially when he was torturing some poor defenseless something (A/N: Now what happened to the innocent Gohan?), it was kind like having a father around. Ever since his own father had sacrificed himself. . . . he had no male role model to look up to, no male individual actually living to idolize. His dad after all had been coming in and out of his life, going away as soon as he came back, reappearing then soon after disappearing once again. Trunks was lucky, his dad at the very least was always there for him helping him up, in his own strange way, after he'd fallen.  
  
"G. . . . Gohan. . . please. . . I'm. . . I'm sorry. I'll k. . . keep my mouth shut if. . . you let me go. . . I swear it!" Videl stuttered. She held onto the bottom of the chopper tail desperately trying to escape the chilling waters of hell.  
  
Gohan sighed irritably, "Fine. I'll take you back now, but if you blab. . . you of all people know I can destroy and entire army - no sweat. So if you tell anyone - ANYONE - that I am 'Saiyaman'. . . . . well let's just say that things won't be pretty." The halfling tossed the chopper aside and grabbed Satan's daughter's by the leg and started flying back to civilization.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------  
  
"Gohan. Where were you? School ended about 3 hours ago." Chi Chi said not a hint of worry in her voice. Which momentarily shocked Gohan, usually his mom would be screaming her head off by now. He sat down, opposite to his brother, at the dining table and eyed his mother suspiciously.  
  
"Um. . . .err. . . I was just um. . .err. . ." Gohan stuttered, {Dammit, what do I say now?! If I tell mom I was torturing some girl in the presence of Vegeta up in the Arctic. . . .I'm a dead man walking.}  
  
Chi Chi smiled kindly at her sons and set a big bowl of spicy crab corn soup (A/N: I LOVE crab corn *eats some crab corn soup* hehehehe. . ). "Let me guess. You were probably out sparring with Piccolo again weren't you? Well if you were then let me just say that I'm glad that you're getting to know her better." She giggled, "Any chances of a grandchild for your old mum?"  
  
Gohan spit his orange juice right in Goten's face, Goten, meanwhile, was choking on a piece of fish. The two brothers gave each other a 'is-mom- taking-drugs-or-what' look. "Mom. Are you feeling okay?" Gohan said slowly and carefully.  
  
"Yeah. . . Are you okay?" Goten said as if explaining something very complicated to a 5 year old, he put a hand on his mom's head and checked her temp. Sure Goten was naïve at times, but even he knew that his mom hated the namekian female known as Piccolo. "You don't have a fever."  
  
Chi Chi laughed and put Goten back in his seat, "I was expecting you two to react this way. So here are my reasons for thinking that Gohan should be allowed to date Piccolo. Well first of all, I was just thinking of way back when I was a child and I fell in love with your father, and I was thinking of how I felt all tingly when ever I saw him, then I thought of how selfishly I've been depriving your brother of feeling that way." She observed that both her sons were halfway out of their seats and looked ready to bolt for the door. "Don't worry I'm not on drugs. Second of all, I'm getting old and before I die I want to see to it that I at least have one grandchild." Chi Chi smiled, she sat down and started eating.  
  
Both of the two relaxed a bit and started eating as well, but were still alert at every movement their mother made. "Oh stop it you two! I'm not crazy. Aren't the reasons I gave you good enough?"  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------  
  
* The next day*  
  
*Ding Dong*  
  
"Just a sec!" Gohan called from the living room, he switched off the TV, walked to the door and opened it, "Hello, how may I. . . . . help you." Gohan's eyes widened as he came eye to eye with Piccolo (they're the same height), but it wasn't the mere fact that Piccolo had even bothered to ring the doorbell, nope, it was the fact that she was dressed up. She was wearing a tight black sleeveless turtle neck, a black dress with a cut on one side, a black leather silver buckled belt, black high heeled boots, a black leather wrist band with spikes on left arm, a black fingerless glove on her right hand, and black ankle bands. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail by a long black ribbon, loose strips of hair formed on either side of her face. (A/N: And no, she is not a satanist, no she is not goth, no no NO!!!)  
  
"I'm here to have a talk with Chi Chi." Piccolo said flicking her hair back. Gohan just stared at the namek at his doorstep wondering if this was a dream. Piccolo growled irritably after a while of immobility from the halfling, "Fine. Since your obviously far too engrossed with your busy schedule to invite me into your home, I'll just waltz in and go chat with your mother now." with that the namekian pushed aside the still gawking half human and walked towards the kitchen muttering about idiots.  
  
After a few minutes of trying to process the current information into his brain, Gohan closed the front door then punched himself very hard in the arm, sure enough he felt pain (and swore some curses) and he was sure that what he just saw wasn't a dream. He closed the door quietly behind him, and walked up to his room he went over to the left corner of his room and carefully pried loose a part of the floor board. "This is best chance I have at the moment, better make use of it." he said to himself. The halfling pulled out a phial of the love potion he had received earlier from Vegeta and put it carefully into his pocket. Then he crept downstairs toward the kitchen.  
  
"So then Marcus goes, "Um. . . fishes?"." Feminine laughter floated out of the living room where the two ladies were talking.  
  
Gohan took a deep breath and entered the den, "Would you two like some tea?" the halfling said carrying a tray of tea and cakes. Piccolo and Chi Chi were sitting on the couch talking like two old friends.  
  
Chi Chi beamed, "Why Gohan. How thoughtful of you, sure bring it here and why don't why don't join us?" she said. Gohan placed the tea tray onto the coffee table and handed the two women a cup of tea, then poured some for himself.  
  
"So Gohan I was just talking to Piccolo here and I asked her if she'd like to go out with you sometime." the raven haired woman said taking a sip from her tea. Gohan's ears perked up and waited tensely for not only Piccolo's answer but also for Piccolo to take a sip from her tea, "And she said she'd go with you."  
  
Piccolo drank all her tea in one gulp, she shrugged, "I've always wondered what the city looked like." She didn't seem in the least bit affected by the elixir.  
  
"Okay. So when do you want to go? How 'bout six . . . . . tonight?" The halfling thought that maybe by then the love potion would've taken full effect.  
  
"Whatever. Its not like I have anything better to do with my time anyway." Piccolo said. She got up to her feet and turned to face Chi Chi, "I've gotta go, Tabit goes berserk if I leave him alone for too long. Later." And before either of the two could respond she went out the window and was gone.  
  
Chi Chi shook her head a smile pursed on her lips, "You two would make such a great pair, seeing as both of you insist on using the window rather than the door." She got up and walked into the kitchen.  
  
*_______________________*________________________*  
  
That was interesting. Dumb, but interesting.  
  
Defafaeth 0=============)(=====0 Trunks  
  
Defafaeth 0=======)(===========0 Trunks  
  
Defafaeth 0=================)(=0 Trunks  
  
Defafaeth 0===========)(=======0 Trunks  
  
Defafaeth 0=)(=================0 Trunks  
  
|||| |||| || ||||| |||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||| || || | ||||||||| |  
  
Defafaeth: This could take a while. . .  
  
Trunks: Wanna finish this next chap?  
  
Defafaeth: Hell why not? 


	12. The Date and a strange story about condo...

{Where is she?} Gohan thought on the verge of a nervous breakdown, it was a good thing he was sitting on a couch. After all it was already half past six and well Gohan was still waiting. . . . . jayzus, what kind of nerd waits for a half an hour late date?! Anyway, ahem, Gohan was dressed in a black leather jacket, a black shirt, black army boots, tinted black glasses, black silk pants and black fingerless gloves. (A/N: Sorry people -_-' I'm pretty sure you've noticed but I like black, besides Gohan looks much cooler with the bad ass biker gang look. . . doesn't he?)  
  
"Sorry 'bout the delay." Piccolo was leaning on the back of the couch bending over the demi-saiyan. She wore a pink tank top with a dangerously low neckline, a red mini skirt which reached mid thigh, a light pink purse, hoop earrings, red lipstick, red high heels with extremely sharp points, and had some glitter on. Piccolo's nails were blood red, her hair was kept in two buns with some hair poking out (like Serena from sailor moon only the long strip of hair reaches her shoulder).  
  
Gohan blushed, "Wow you look great!"  
  
"Yeah your mom really enjoyed playing dress up the namek with me." Piccolo said, "Man how do women walk in these shoes?!" she plunked down on the couch took off her shoes and massaged them.  
  
"Mom? Do you mean to tell me that you were here with my mom upstairs the whole time?!" the demi-saiyan asked incredulously.  
  
"Ouch. . . yeah didn't you notice? Probably not, you were most likely too busy being nervous to notice."  
  
"Heh. . . want a drink?" he said nodding to some root beer on the counter.  
  
"No I don't think so. Let's just go, I have a feeling your dear sweet ol' mom is eavesdropping." The namek pulled on her shoes and walked to the door, she walked as if the shoes didn't hurt at all. Gohan picked up a can of RB and followed closing the door, both took to the sky, heading for the city. "Um. . . Gohan I need to ask you something."  
  
The halfling turned to his female companion with a smile, "Fire away I'm ready to answer anything." He said taking a swig some of the RB he had.  
  
Piccolo fished through her pink purse, "Your mother gave me these. What are they for?" she said holding out a bag of condoms.  
  
Gohan spit out his RB and nearly hit Piccolo who swerved out of the way, "I. . . I. . . .my. . . what the. . . . .MY MOM GAVE YOU THOSE?!?!"  
  
"Yeah. So what are they for?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
Gohan's eyes widened, he grabbed the bag and threw it over his shoulders, "Its nothing important." The tone in his voice indicated that he would not be answering any more questions regarding the bag.  
  
"Whatever you say. . . ." the female namekian said giving Gohan a concerned look. They continued onward to the city in a comfortable silence.  
  
__________________  
  
| M E A N W H I L E | __________________  
  
  
  
"Hey Trunks look at this!!" Goten said holding up a bag of condoms.  
  
"Wow. Where'd you find those?" Trunks asked as he ran up and joined his companion.  
  
"Idunno, I was just walking around here and it hit me on the head." Goku's mini me said scratching his head. "What are these?"  
  
"Well um you see. . . they're finger warmers!!" Trunks said knowingly. (AN: Ahh . . . . . The all knowing Trunks.)  
  
"Finger warmers? What are they for?" Goten the confused asked.  
  
"They're used to warm up your fingers dumb dumb! I think I saw of this stuff in my parent's room the other day." (AN: 0o Um . . . no comment)  
  
"Oh! I see now! you put them on your fingers and so they don't get all cold! Cool I wanna try!" so with that Goten put a condom on each of his fingers. "Hey cool they fit!!"  
  
Trunks considering that for once he was actually right, did the same as his younger comrade. "Well duh! I told you so!"  
  
__________________________  
  
| S O M E W H E R E E L S E | __________________________  
  
  
  
"I have a weird feeling that I should get a camera out." Vegeta said to his wife in the kitchen.  
  
Bulma turned from the pot she was cooking to look at him with a raised eyebrow, "Why would you think that?"  
  
Vegeta scratched his head and sat down on a chair, "Dunno, I just have this feeling that when Trunks gets home. . . . that I'll need a camera ready. Hmmm hopefully whatever is to happen to the brat will be something I can use to blackmail him in his fore coming adolescent years." With that he got up and walked upstairs to fetch his digital camera.  
  
"That man worries me more and more every time we meet." Bulma said shaking her head sadly.  
  
______________________  
  
| A T T H E M O V I E S | ______________________  
  
  
  
"So what do you want to see? 'The Attack Of The Moon Man's Mummy', 'The Attack Of The Moon Man's Daddy', 'The Attack Of The Moon Man's Sister-In- Law', 'The Attack Of The Moon Man's Dog, Foochie' or 'Mysterious Breath' ?" Gohan said already knowing the answer.  
  
"Anything without 'The Attack Of The Moon Man's. . .' in it sounds fine to me." Piccolo said wondering what kind of person would watch anything with such a dumb title.  
  
"Two tickets for Mysterious Breath please. Thanks." The two entered the building and made it to the theater. . . but not without Piccolo receiving certain 'looks' from various men, who Gohan quickly threatened by casually pushing aside his jacket tail and revealing a gleaming polished gun on either side of his belt.  
  
"Geez Gohan, do you always threaten people to stay away from your dates with a gun?" Piccolo said sitting down on a chair in the middle row.  
  
"So you saw it then." Gohan plunked down on a seat next to the namek, his arms carried some snacks for the movie.  
  
Piccolo snorted then gabbed some Nes Tea, "Me an a million other people, when this lady saw that you had a gun she immediately started dragging her kid out the exit. Then there was this other guy who saw the gun and fainted dead on the floor, of course I'm pretty sure you were to busy to see him." she said taking a pop corn tub and placing it on her lap.  
  
"Ha ha. Its starting." He said as the theater grew dark.  
  
_________________________  
  
| A T C A P S U L E C O R P | _________________________  
  
  
  
"I thought you said that you'd need only a camera?" Bulma asked hands on her hips as Vegeta came down with a camcorder, and a digital camera.  
  
"I don't know. I'm having a premonition. . . . and I've learned to listen to them." Vegeta said laying down each of the machines and inspecting them to make sure that they were okay.  
  
"I bet your little premonition is probably all wrong."  
  
"What'll you wager?"  
  
Bulma thought for a moment, "How about I'll be your slave for a whole two years and do everything you say, no matter how stupidly outrageous it is and without complaint."  
  
Vegeta's eye got a little evil glinting look, "Fine, my wager will be the same as yours." He extended his hand and the two shook on it.  
  
Bulma opened her mouth to say something but at that moment Trunks came trotting in wearing "Finger Warmers", "Hey mom, hey dad. Wassup?"  
  
Bulma gaped at her on unable to think of anything else besides the fact that her ONLY son was wearing condoms on each finger. Vegeta on the other hand had started snapping away with the camera, then turned on the camcorder, "Trunks look my way and wave with both hands." the boy's father said trying hard not to laugh.  
  
"Uh. . . sure. . .whatever." Trunks waved and smiled, but he had a gut feeling that something was wrong after all why would HIS dad tape him. . . it just wasn't Vegeta. "Um mom what are these things?" he asked turning to his stunned mother his hand held in front of his face.  
  
"Condoms. . . ." she said absently but then realized what she said and was about to take back what she said when Trunks ran out of the room. "Where's he going?" Bulma asked her husband who was laughing his ass off.  
  
"Di. . . dictionary!!!" Vegeta trudged upstairs holding the machines carefully in his arms all the while counting down, "5. . . 4. . . 3. . . 2. . . 1. . . ."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" someone screamed from the other side of the house.  
  
_______________________  
  
| M O V I E T H E A T E R | _______________________  
  
  
  
"Gohan did you hear something?" Piccolo whispered, "I could've sworn I heard someone scream. . . ."  
  
Gohan finished chewing his handful of popcorn, "Nope didn't hear anyone scream." He took a sip of his soda, "Maybe you were imagining things."  
  
Piccolo sighed, "Maybe. . . but I could've sworn I heard someone scream, I could've sworn the person who screamed was Trunks. . . but maybe not." She drank her Nestea and munched on the popcorn. "What's this movie about again?"  
  
"About - " Gohan began but was 'ssssssssssshhhhhhhhh'ed by everyone else in the theater.  
  
{Let's talk like this. Okay what was it about?} Piccolo thought to Gohan.  
  
/Its about an alien who fell in love with an earthling . . . ./  
  
Ooooo. . . An alien romance story eh? Heh heh heh . . Maybe you should take some notes on this movie eh Piccolo? Nudge nudge wink wink.  
  
/What the - Who the heck was that?/  
  
{His royal pain-in-the-assness Nail. Ignore him . . . . . he just might die of not being noticed.}  
  
*snort* Fat chance.  
  
[Nail leave them alone.]  
  
/KAMI?!?!?!/  
  
[Ah. I see that you still remembered me.]  
  
/Man its been so long. . . .wow. . . geez it must get crowded in there a lot, you have anyone else stuffed up in there?/  
  
Piccolo punched Gohan hard in the arm and glared at him coldly, Gohan tried not to whimper as the pain throbbed in his shoulder. {Jayzus! I am surrounded!!!}  
  
/Man Pic it was only a joke jeez. . . Hey! I missed a whole action scene!! Great now this movie is gonna totally suck!/  
  
{Just because you missed one lousy scene doesn't mean that the whole movie sucks.}  
  
/But you don't understand! The rest of the movie is about making out, getting naked, and 'doing it'./  
  
{Aw fuck! Let's go now!}  
  
But I wanna see it!!!  
  
{Shut-up! I'm in control of this body not you!}  
  
BUT I WANNA SEE IT!! IF I DON'T GET TO SEE IT THEN. . . THEN I'LL TAKE OVER YOUR BODY!!!  
  
{You wouldn't. . . }  
  
I'll do it again! Just like last time!  
  
/Last time?/  
  
{Gohan! I've already told you that night on our first date that NAIL took control of my body for awhile!}  
  
/EEEWWW!!! I kissed Nail!?!? DISGUSTING!!!/  
  
Well no you didn't really, I just took control over my host's body, so you still did kiss her but in a different context.  
  
/But still. . . eeeww!!/  
  
{So can we go now?!}  
  
But I wanna -   
  
{Fuck a cow Nail!}  
  
I would if I weren't stuck in the same body as you. But you know you could still fuck Gohan. . .   
  
{SHUT THE HELL UP NAIL OR I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE A MISERABLE LIVING HELL FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!!}  
  
Shutting up.  
  
{Can we go now?}  
  
/Uh sure, let's go./ The duo got up and exited.  
  
"So where do you want to go now?" Gohan asked as they strolled down the very bright city.  
  
"Dunno. What do you want to do?" Piccolo said break the hand of a pickpocket without even looking at her.  
  
"Well I am hungry. . . . . ."  
  
Piccolo rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Saiyans are ALWAYS hungry, I swear you guys have bottomless pits for stomachs. . . or maybe a black hole. . ."  
  
"That was so funny that I forgot to laugh. Oh look an all-you-can-eat buffet!" the demi-saiyan exclaimed and dragged the disgruntled namek into the restaurant.  
  
***********______________________************  
  
Amethyst: Man that has got to be the longest chapter I've ever wrote. . . . not counting the single chapter fics.  
  
Legolas: Well. . . that's true enough.  
  
Amethyst: Read & Review!! 


	13. How the heck did Gohan a driver's licens...

Piccolo sat across from Gohan in the restaurant rather embarrassed by how much the younger saiyan could eat, that and the fact that everyone was practically staring at them - well wouldn't you? A tall green girl sitting across from a guy who can eat a zillion times his own weight, believe me you'd stare. The plates were stacked high at their table waiters and waitresses complained but were well aware that their job was a stake, so they just smiled. Well, um hmm, there goes Gohan again getting some more food.  
  
"Hey baby. What are you doing with such a dork face like that moron?" a tall black guy, who had bulging muscles, a mowhawk and was obviously a biker. He was standing in the front of the booth she was in, making it impossible for escape - for the biker that is. "The name's Drobey. How about you sweet thing?"  
  
Piccolo rolled her eyes and looked out the window, "You will call me Ma Junior. And as for your first question I don't answer to bull headed freaks." Everyone, but Gohan, was watching.  
  
Drobey laughed, "Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I forgot you girls don't like people who come on to you too fast." He sat down next to the vexed namekian and put an arm around her shoulder. "So babe wanna ditch the skinny biker wanna be and go round town with me on by hog?"  
  
Piccolo growled then said without looking at him, in a calm controlled voice, "Number 1, I don't like people who put arms around me and call me 'babe' without permission." She took his arm and flung it off her, "Number 2, I don't know who you are, but I what I do know is that if you don't leave this restaurant by the time I count to 3 and NEVER come back again. . . . well things won't be pretty."  
  
The biker laughed some more, "Man you crack me up Ma Junior."  
  
"1. . . . ."  
  
"I almost believed you there, sweetheart."  
  
"2. . . . ."  
  
"Come on babe I know you want me." and with that he kissed (A/N: eeeewww!!!) her on the cheek.  
  
"3. . . . ." Piccolo stood up and lifted Drobey, by his throat, clear off the floor. "I gave you a chance to leave, but no you wanted to aggravate me." she tightened the grip on his throat, "Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to teach you some manners." She punched him in the gut with her other arm and then him hard in the groin, she let go of his throat and watched as he slumped helplessly onto the floor withering in pain. "Now go before I pound the living shit outta you." Piccolo spat in Drobey's face and kicked him in the gut.  
  
The biker crawled out on his stomach groaning and moaning and was gone out the door. When Drobey was gone everyone started cheering and clapping for the namekian who defeated the less than strong biker. Piccolo sat down, crossed her legs and arms then awaited for her date to come back.  
  
"You know Piccolo you didn't have to be so subtle with that baka, you could've beat the living shit outta him if you wanted to, I wouldn't have objected." Gohan said as he returned from buffet line, plate packed with food.  
  
"Feh, now you tell me. Are you done yet?" Piccolo said irritably.  
  
"Just about. . . ." Gohan didn't eat his food, nope, he inhaled it, "Okay let's go."  
  
The unlikely duo got up just as a short fat middle aged man came scurrying up to them, "Excuse me but I'm the manager of this restaurant, Mr. MacSasvey but you may all me Harvey, are you the one who beat up Drobey?" he asked Piccolo.  
  
"Yeah. Why do you ask?" the namekian said.  
  
The manager smiled, grabbed Piccolo's hand and shook it vigorously, "Oh thank you thank you thank you!! I've been having trouble with that man ever since I opened! He was always scaring away all our female customers! Thank you!" Harvey turned to Gohan, "This must be your boyfriend! Nice to meet you!" he shook hands with the demi-saiyan.  
  
"Well actually he's not my - " Piccolo began but was interrupted by Harvey.  
  
"I'm am so happy you got rid of that biker that from now on every time either of you come here I will not charge you the bill! No siree, you can have parties here for free as well if you want. And I am also going to give you a something! Go outside and wait for me, I'll be right out!" Harvey said before walking out into a door with a 'Employees only'.  
  
Piccolo turned to Gohan, "Might as well see what it is." The two exited the but not before receiving approving and admiring looks from the staff and some customers.  
  
"I wonder what he's gonna give you." The demi-saiyan said.  
  
Piccolo shrugged, "Better be something worth waiting for."  
  
"Well it is!" Harvey said cheerfully as he rolled out a brand new sweet looking hovercycle, "This is for you. And these too." he said pulling out an envelope and handing it to Piccolo, "Now I must get back to my business. Thank you and come again." He went into the building and disappeared from sight.  
  
"Cool. Man I'd kill for a bike like this." Gohan said examining the hovercycle.  
  
"Then you can have it. I don't know how to ride a bike." Piccolo replied she opened the envelope there were two tickets inside it, "Spenser's Carnival FunTime, it opens in 15 minutes."  
  
"Sounds cool. Wanna go?"  
  
Piccolo shrugged, "Why not?"  
  
Gohan smiled and hopped on the hoverbike, "Come on I'll drive. Don't worry I have a license!" he added seeing a skittish look on the namekian's face.  
  
{Pros of letting the twerp drive. . . . . . . . . Cons of letting the twerp drive, we might crash, I might die of fright, I might die, I might get hurt, I'll be traumatized, the list goes on.} After a minute or so of weighing out which the pros and cons of letting Gohan drive Piccolo sighed, jumped in the back and wrapped her arms tightly around the halfling. "Hold on tight." Piccolo immediately regretted trusting the demi-saiyan as they reached mach 8 in a matter of milliseconds.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Piccolo. You're looking a little pale. . . . are you okay?" Gohan said when he parked the hoverbike.  
  
A little pale was a major understatement. The poor namekian was sweat drenched, her hair was in a huge mess and she was literally as white as snow, and not to mention the fact that she was shaking violently. "M. . . m. . . . me. . . . f. . . fine." She got up on wobbly legs and looked like she was in danger of falling over. "Me. . . fine." Her voice sounded squeaky her eyes were huge and frightened. She was still getting over the fact that they had ran 11 red lights, made at least 4 10 car pileups, 2 8 car pile ups, had 10 police cars chasing them, nearly crashed 100 zilllion times, ran over countless squirrels, rats, etc. and to top it all off she didn't even had a helmet on. I'm surprised she didn't die out of fright.  
  
"No you aren't fine. Come on lets sit down you're look a bit shaken up." (A/N: A 'bit' shaken up? For the love of gawd she's on the verge of passing out!!) Gohan half carried half dragged the frightened maiden up to a bench and sat.  
  
"I 'm fine. . . . let's go to the carnival now okay?" Piccolo's voice was shaky and she felt like crying.  
  
"Okay. But first let me comb your hair." Gohan looked inside the pink purse and sure enough there was brush that belonged to his mother. He combed Piccolo's hair and calmed the distraught namek by talking soothingly to her, he did her hair in a braid. "Okay let's go now."  
  
Piccolo got up and leaned a bit on the demi-saiyan who didn't mind one bit, and the two entered the carnival.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My mind is all a twitter.  
  
I'm running out of ideas. Okay I'm doing this contest for another of my other fics, so I thought I'd do that contest in this fic too. I'm going to give you the chance to write up the next chapter, just leave your email address and I'll send you the info you will need. Thank you. Thanks for all you fateful reviewers. 


	14. Xzanyu's chap

Gohan and Piccolo enter the carnival and walked around trying to decided what to do first. The namek was still a little dizzy from Gohan's driving but she still managed to walk around without stumbling much. The two went around on some rollercoasters Piccolo spotted an large, adorable, stuffed gold monkey with green eyes at one of game stands. Gohan stepped up to win it for her. The game was knock three bottles down and win a prize.   
  
  
"Three please." Gohan told the vendor. The vendor handed Gohan three balls. Gohan picked one up and threw it at the bottles and they shattered when the balls hit them and the balls left a hole in the curtain where it went out off.   
  
  
Gohan did the famous Son grin and the man's shocked expression and Piccolo sweat dropped. "Heh,heh. Guess I don't know my own strength." The vendor handed Gohan the monkey and he gave to Piccolo.  
  
  
"For you fair lady." He said to her. Piccolo rolled her eyes took the doll and walked off so Gohan wouldn't see her slight blush on her cheeks. The two continued to walk around unaware of eyes watching them.   
  
  
"Piccolo? Would you mind waiting here a minute, I need to go to the bathroom." Gohan asked when the walked past the restrooms.  
  
  
She nodded. "Be right back." Gohan went inside and the moment he disappeared through the door, a hooded came from behind Piccolo and placed a cloth over her mouth and nose. She struggled, but began to cease as the chemical on the rag started to take effect. She soon was unconcious and carried off, the entire incident was missed by everyone.Well, almost everyone. When Gohan was at the sink washing his hands, he picked up the sudden flare of Piccolo's ki and then its sudden low ebb. He know something was wrong.   
  
  
He rushed out the restroom to find the girl of his dreams gone. He looked in both directions, but she was no where to be seen. He immediately homed on her ki. She was still at the carnival and BINGO! He knew where she was and immediately started running towards the other end of the carnival.  
  
______________________________  
  
  
Piccolo first realized she was lying on something cold and hard, second she heard a male voice over the loud speaker saying something about a green monster, the third was that Gohan was moving a top speed in her direction. She opened her eyes and saw that she was in a cage and was dressed up in a purple belly dancer outfit. As she gazed down at herself in shock, she got another one when spotlights suddenly beamed down on her and she heard a collective gasp. She uncover her eyes and saw a bunch of carnival goers looking at her. They were pointing, giggling, and some had the nerve to blow whistles and yell catcalls at her.  
  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen. I give you the green monster!!" the annoucer said.  
  
  
Piccolo became enraged. She was the attraction in the freak show that she didn't agree to be in. A white aura surrounded her. She'll show them whose a green monster!   
  
  
Gohan arrived just in time as Piccolo was about to do something. "Piccolo, STOP!!!" He yelled, to her as he finally reached the stage where she was, dodging terrified people along the way. "Its okay, baby. I'll get you out."   
  
  
"I don't think so pal." a voice said from behind Gohan. He turned to she the owner of the freak show pointing a gun at him. "She's my showstopper and I'm letting you or anyone else take her away."   
  
  
Then Gohan became enraged. He went SSJ, grabbed the owner by the throat. "How DARE you refer to the woman I love as monster! One of your side show freaks! She's beautiful, wonderful and everything you and anyone else, as far as I'm concern, will ever dream to be!"   
  
  
Piccolo blushed and gently smiled at Gohan's confession. "Gohan." she whispered as she immediately powered down.   
  
  
"I'm warning you for the first and last time. Got out of here and don't ever come back or next time I will give her the honor of killing your stupid ass." Gohan spat at him and threw the owner out of the tent with the same hand, not caring where or how hard he landed. He immediately pulled the door of the cage off and assisted Piccolo out. "Are you alright?" Gohan asked, searching her for injuries.  
  
  
"I'm fine. Thank you, Gohan." Piccolo said offhandedly. She snapped her fingers and suddenly she was wearing purple pants, a purple shirt, a blue sash, brownish orange shoes and a white cape without the weighted shoulder pads.  
  
  
"No prob. From now on, I'm not letting you out of my sight the rest of the time we're here." Gohan said slipping a hand around the namek's slim waist, which made both of them blush. The two walked around for another hour, stopped so they could get something to eat or in this case, Gohan something to eat. Then, they came upon the tunnel of love ride.  
"Hey, Piccolo. Let's ride through the tunnel of love."   
  
  
"No way, Gohan." Piccolo said suddenly finding her shoes very interesting.  
"Awww, come on. Its the only ride here that doesn't go fast or high in the air at the same time."  
  
  
"Not true. There's the merry-go-round."   
  
  
Gohan rolled his eyes. "Piccolo, get real. We're not little kids and I'm not about to be the cause of a mass homocide if people start laughing at us being on a kid's ride. Please?"   
  
  
Piccolo never could resist that puppy dog look Gohan gave her. "Oh, alright. Let's get this over with."   
  
  
The couple took a sit on the swan-shaped boat and preceded into the darkened tunnel. They were silent mid-way through the ride when Piccolo spoke. "Hey, Gohan?" Picccolo looked down at the bottom of the boat.   
  
  
Gohan turned to look at her. "Hmm?"  
  
  
"Did you really mean what you said about me? You know, about being beautiful?"   
  
  
"Of course. I meant every word I said about you Piccolo." Piccolo nodded, still looking down at her feet.   
  
  
Gohan placed a hand under her chin and lifted her face to look him in eyes and in that one moment, the two were on the same wave length. Piccolo got a hold of herself and snatched her chin from Gohan's hand and looked back to see them emerging from the tunnel. The ride was over.   
  
  
They left the carnival and Gohan, who was actually driving decently this time, stopped by a local bar on the way out of the city.  
  
________________________________  
  
  
This chap was made ALL by: XZanayu. I edited some of it but she did almost all the work *applause* THANK YOU XZANYU!!! 


	15. Aww how sweet

Piccolo surveyed the area and raised an eyebrow, "Gohan," she whispered as they sat inside a both nearest to the door, "You are aware of the fact that there are people acting like total idiots here right?" There were three people dancing on table tops and singing something totally indecipherable, there were others who were making out, and there were 3 girls having a foursome with this one guy in a corner with people crowded about watching.   
  
  
Gohan laughed nervously, this was also his first time at any bar, "Hey don't worry. . . its not as if we're gonna get drunk or anything. . . . as a matter of fact, can Namekians get drunk?"  
  
  
"Wanna find out?" Piccolo said dryly as she watched dozens of other people dancing, shaking their asses, and getting dirty. The namek shook her head sadly, "This is the reason why I am glad that I'm not a human."   
  
  
Gohan waved over to a waitress who started towards them, "Oh come on they're just having fun."  
  
  
Piccolo snorted, "In case you haven't noticed there are eight women in a corner fucking each other with a bunch of men grabbing at their asses and tits." She said nodding her head to a corner, where that was happening.  
  
  
Gohan gulped, if his mother ever found out about this . . . . . all hell may as well just break loose. The waitress came and Gohan gasped as he recognized her from school, "Hi. . . . Erasa."  
  
  
Erasa was dressed in a tight black miniskirt, a tight black tank top and a small white apron. "Gohan. Never thought I'd see you here." she said, not even noticing the namekian sitting on the other side of the booth.  
  
  
"Yeah well, I never expected to see you here either . . . not as a waitress anyway."  
  
  
Erase smiled seductively and sat down on the table, "Hey Gohan. . . maybe you and I could go somewhere later. My shift is over in about 15 minutes from now. . . ." she purred and batted her eyelashes.  
  
  
"Sorry Erasa but I'm with someone already. Hey Piccolo say hi to . . . . . Piccolo?" Gohan shoved the blonde off the table and saw that the namekian female was gone. He jumped up and concentrated on finding the purple haired namek, and he finally sensed her far from town near a water source.   
  
  
"Err. . . I gotta go bye!" Gohan said running out the bar and blasting off as soon as he was outside.  
  
  
____________________  
  
  
  
"Hey Piccolo! Why'd you run off like that?!" Gohan said as he ran up to Piccolo. The namekian was sitting on a boulder protruding out of the water, she sat facing a small waterfall.  
  
  
Piccolo turned to face Gohan and motioned for him to sit next to her, Gohan jumped up to the rock and immediately noticed that the green skinned warrior was wearing a plain white sleeveless dress that was cut from the shoulder down and was tied around the waist with a gold coloured rope.  
  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
  
Piccolo shrugged, "I was just thinking. . . ."  
  
  
"Well you could've told me. . ."  
  
  
The namek shook her head, "I didn't want to interrupt your conversation with that girl."  
  
  
"Erase?! She doesn't mean a thing we're just - " Piccolo put her hand up.  
  
  
"I know that. Its just I was just thinking about what Vegeta said the other day. . . . ." Piccolo said looking up to the dark night sky.  
  
  
"What did he say?" Gohan said edging a little closer to Piccolo.  
  
  
Piccolo blushed a bit and grinned mischievously, "Not telling. . . ." she teased.  
  
  
"Oh come on! You can tell me, I won't say anything to anyone else."   
  
  
Piccolo shook her head, "I can't tell, I'm not supposed to tell, hell I've said too much already." she stroked his head gently with her hand.  
  
  
"Oh. . . . ." The halfling's heart started beating a mile a minute. He wrapped an arm around the girl of his dreams waist and buried his neck into her shoulder. The namek kissed him gently on the cheek and ran a hand in his hair which found its way down his shirt.  
  
  
Read & Reveiw. 


	16. Just when it was becoming so perfect

"HEY VEGETA!!!" Gohan yelled over to the saiyan prince who cringed in response to the high pitchedness of the halfling's voice. Vegeta was standing in a huge crater with the young Trunks by his side - brutally beaten and just beginning to stir from a temporary coma that he had been in.  
  
"What now brat?" Vegeta said dully as the demi-saiyan raced down to him. The prince never suspected though that the demi saiyan would actually throw himself onto him and hug his neck in a choking strangle. "GET OFF ME!!!" he shouted throwing off the grinning half human.  
  
"SorryVegetaIjustwantedtothankyouforhelpingmeandgivingmethatpotionbecauseita ctuallyworked!!!!!" The teenage demi-saiyan bounced up and down happily.  
  
Fortunately for Vegeta he could understand fast-excited-talking-in-which- all-the-words-are-jumbled-upinese. (A/N: I understand it too ^-^), "Well duh! Now give me back my phial, I need it for another vict . . . uh err. . . customer. . . yes that's it. . . . I need it for another customer. . ." Gohan didn't even notice the oujo's uneasiness.  
  
"Mr. Haley my teacher that is. . . ." Trunks muttered under his breath as he got up and stood by his father.  
  
Gohan eagerly handed the phial to Vegeta and was about to blast off until, "WAIT!!! This isn't my phial!"  
  
The halfling turned back and stared, "What do you mean, by that isn't YOUR phial?!"  
  
Vegeta snarled, "I mean that this phial isn't mine! I don't use plastic corks, I use the old wooden kinds on wine bottles or else the magic would eat the plastic up." He frowned, "Where's my phial?!" He demanded.  
  
Gohan's head spinned, he remembered that the phial he dumped the potion out of had black cork on it so if it wasn't a love potion that go t him and Piccolo together then she must like him otherwise. . . . "YES!! SO SHE REALLY DOES LIKE ME!!!" He rejoiced.  
  
"Hey Gohan. . . if you didn't give Piccolo the potion to drink then where is it? And what do you give to her?" Trunks asked confuzled (( is my friend's word for confused).  
  
Gohan was jumping up and down but abruptly fell down, his eyes alight with realization but also with a hint of fear. . . . "Oh Jeebus help us all. . . . ."  
  
=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-=_-  
  
I may not be updating for a long while, its school time. Plus I'm grounded for swearing at my dad. My old man and I have been at war with each other since I was born. 


	17. Trouble on the horizon

It was lunch time. Gohan snaked down the long hallway of the school careful not to be caught as he headed toward the cafeteria to the dreaded *dun* *dun* *dun* *dun* . . . kitchen. Who knew what twisted evil concoctions they make in that dreaded twisted resident of immoral insanity? Who knew what they used to make the pinkish red goo that moves if you try to poke it with a fork? The meat loaf surprise that you could've sworn was made out of cockroaches? The fruit juices that have little bits of green stuff which could possibly have been boogers? Friend chicken that has big dots on each piece that looks suspiciously like eyes? Or even the french fries and hash browns that could probe your mind? Yes. . . its a scary and horrible side of the food world you've most likely have never and never will ever experience, Tis a sad sad world we live in.  
  
  
  
On an even sadder note the world martial arts championships were canceled due to the fact that the arena had been blown to smitherenths by , what witnesses say, a flying short spiky haired man who shot a beam of light at the stadium. (A/N: My oh my I wonder who would've done such a horrible thing ^_~) Fortunately no one was hurt and Hercule had just left the building when the explosion happened (unfortunately) our champion says that he is going to see to it that the man behind the fiendish crime will be put to justice. (A/N: Yay!! Let's all cheer for the wonderful man that is Hercule! *note the sarcasm*)  
  
  
  
/Man if I think what happened to the phial is what happened to the phial. . . . then I'm screwed./ Gohan thought nervously. He reached the kitchen, luckily the lunch ladies - who were men - were outside having a smoke since they had closed down after the big rush. Which was surprising since the food was usually grotesque but for some reason the food was good today. He started digging around in the garbage. "Oh where is it!?"  
  
  
  
"Gohan. . . . . . ?" Erasa stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching curiously.  
  
  
  
The halfling stood up abruptly trying hard to act innocent, "Oh. . . uh. . . hi Erasa. . .I was . . . uh. . . just . . . .uh. . .um. . . .derrr. . . ."  
  
  
  
The blonde smiled almost. . . . seductively? " Oh don't worry. I won't tell." She winked which made Gohan sweat.  
  
  
  
"Um. . . err. . thanks. . . jee look at the time. . I'm gonna be late for my Spanish class. . so Aribadachi!" the demi-saiyan sped out of the room like a cheetah.  
  
  
  
/Now what was that all about?/ Gohan thought. He walked down the hall toward his locker.  
  
  
  
"Hi Gohan!"  
  
  
  
"Wassup there handsome?"  
  
  
  
"So you wanna go out sometime there cutie?"  
  
  
  
"You free for tonight Gohan?"  
  
  
  
A group of girls AND guys had gathered around the demi-human all asking him out and trying to pinch him, "Um sorry people but I have to go! See ya later!" Gohan ran all the way to his locker and dodged everyone all the way to his Spanish class. Through out the whole day every one in the whole school was nice, flirtatious and caring even the teachers and the people who already had bfs or gfs. After school Gohan flew (even though he had DT because of some teachers wanted to keep him in for obvious reasons) to the nearest pay phone and dialed up her mom telling her that he was gonna sleep over at a friends, hung up then flew to CC.  
  
  
  
"What do you want?" Vegeta snapped as he opened the door.  
  
  
  
"Um Vegeta I think I found out what happened to the phial and love potion. . . ." Gohan said shifting nervously from one foot to the other.  
  
  
  
"Well what happened? I'm waiting!" The prince scowled.  
  
  
  
Gohan looked the saiyan prince straight in the eye and said somberly, "Vegeta. The whole school had some."  
  
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_  
  
That was seriously predictable. I hope this satisfies you in the meantime. 


	18. A despreate Gohan, and a deranged Namek

"Gohan. I have some bad news, worse news and worst news, which would you like to hear first?" Vegeta said strolling into the guest room Gohan was staying in. Because everyone at school was deluded with the potion they all wanted to get together with the poor halfling and since his address was in the school directory Chi Chi thought it best that he should remain at CC for the meantime. Of course he told Piccolo about the whole incident, thinking it for the best to be honest, but in the end the enraged namek refused to even make psychic contact with him. So the now depressed Gohan laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling wondering if it was wrong to fall in love.  
  
The halfling sighed, "Well the whole student body is in love with me, and the girl of my dreams can't even stand to be within 1,000 feet of me. . . . might as well start small. . . ." He said. The demi-saiyan sat down on the bed in case he would faint.  
  
"Bad news is that Kakarrot won't be coming back until the tournament ring is rebuilt because of something about fate and what not." The prince paused letting the news sink in then continued, "Worse news is that the affects of the potion won't wear off for at least. . . oh 5 - 6. . . . years - "  
  
Gohan jumped up and practically shouted, "FIVE TO SIX YEARS!!!??? But. . but. . ."  
  
"I know I know, you'd die by then. But I don't at the moment have anything to repel the potion which would be worth making. But don't worry, I haven't gotten through all the chapters of my mum's book, there might be reversal spells on the second half of the book. And that would take me all year to read."  
  
"But I - " Gohan began.  
  
Vegeta held up a hand, "I know, you can't wait that long. But its better than having the potion active for the full 5 or so years now won't it? Good. And last but not least, I think you've just poisoned your girlfriend." Vegeta said with a yawn.  
  
"NO!!! PICCOLO CAN'T DIE!!! SHE CAN'T!!!!!!!" Gohan said hysterically.  
  
"Gohan you aren't paying attention. I said poisoned. P - O - I - S - O - N - E - D. Not killed. K - I - L - L -E - D. You gave her a chemical called Serpine Surphault, it makes nameks not only delusional and reckless and suicidal, but also prone to sudden but violent mood swings. So she might be dead by no -Gohan?" The halfling disappeared.  
  
| =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= | =^._.^= |  
  
"Oh how wonderful! A new day has began! Oh what a beautiful day! A fantastic day for fun! La de da!! . . ." Piccolo sang cheerfully (not horribly earsplitting). The delusional namek was dancing in a field of flowers singing to herself dressed not in her usual gi, but a . . . . a short white dress, pink shoes, her hair tied in a braid by pinkish red ribbon. She held a woven basket picnic basket in one arm and a picnic blanket in another. "Oh what a wonderfully beautifully lovely nice day to be alive!!" The little animals of the forest were dancing and frolicking with her.  
  
"Piccolo!" Gohan said bewilderment as he landed mouth hitting the floor.  
  
"Oh hello dear dear Gohan! How are you today? I'm so glad you're here! Now we can have a lovely nice picnic on this nice lovely day!" She linked arms with the stunned half saiyan and pulled him over to a big elm tree. She set- up all the picnic stuff then sat down.  
  
{This must be her happy cheerful mood. . . Happy cheerful mood?! Her?! No way. I've NEVER seen her cheerful. . . . unless something horrible happened to me. . . but that's besides the point!} Gohan thought.  
  
"Would you like some cherry pie?" Piccolo was smiling eerily, a weird deranged freaky smile. . . .  
  
"Sure. . ." Gohan said cautiously. The namekian handed the halfling a plate, Gohan took a bite out of it and almost immediately spit it out. "That was GROSS!!!"  
  
"GROSS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I SLAVE OVER A HOT OVEN ALL FREAKIN DAY LONG AND YOU CALL MY COOKING GROSS!!!!!! YOU'LL PAY DEARLY FOR THAT!!!" Piccolo screamed, then out of thin air a big ass machine gun/missile & grenade launcher/ tazar. She cackled evilly, a deranged cold laugh. "RUN ALL CREATURES!!! NOTHING IS SAFE IN MY WAKE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" Her clothes changed too, black leather pants, black tight shirt, black leather boots, black leather jacket, her hair tied back in a ponytail, and a leather hat set on her head.  
  
"Oh gawd. . . please almighty lord help me. . . . ." Gohan ran as a deranged Piccolo charged at him missiles flying madly, bullets soaring wildly in all directions. The schizophrenic female namek destroyed everything setting everything on fire in a maddening uncontrolled rage. The halfling not being the suicidal type flew back to CC watching helplessly as the forest destroyed.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _________  
  
Gohan landed in front of CC once again and trudge back into the basement where Vegeta had made the perfect concoction to counteract the affects of the love potion. Now the only problem was, how to get all of the student body to drink it.  
  
"We could just go to all of their houses and force it down their throats." Vegeta suggested.  
  
"Nah, it'd take way too long. Hey I know! Why don't we just distribute this to everyone at a party here at CC? They'd all drink it!" Gohan said thinking about the prospect of having a party.  
  
"Here?! Are you suicidal!? Bulma would kill not only me but you as well!" The two men sat and thought for a long while.  
  
"I have an idea, but you won't like it." The prince said, "You could go to school next Monday and tell everyone that if they drink the stuff you'd - "  
  
"NO! No way, I'd die if I had to!" Gohan protested.  
  
"Fine then. Let the whole student body crave you! Let them forever praise you and chase after you! Let them not give you any rest! After all if we don't give them this cure this year, there will be no way to reverse the effects of the potion until the 50 or 60 years are up!"  
  
"FIFTY TO SIXTY YEARS?!?!?!? You said 5 - 6!!!" Gohan shouted incredulously.  
  
Vegeta sighed, "50 - 6 - 60 - 5. What's the difference? You're still stuck with the effects of the potion no matter where you go."  
  
The halfling sank back into his chair, "I have no choice do I?"  
  
The saiyan prince shrugged, "You never had one in the first place."  
  
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La de dum be dum ba doo. 


	19. FREE KISS AND LEMONADE

"This just in! It seems that a green alien has just stolen a black Volkswagen beetle and a A618 flame-thrower. This person has been seen speeding down highway 52 and burning everything within sight. Police have been trying desperately to slow down this so-called alien but nothing has worked so far. So please avoid highway 52 or any routes near the vicinity. Local residents have been evacuated from the area in an attempt to keep then safe from this dangerous creature. This alien is green, has two antennas, long purple hair and is wearing dark clothing. Witnesses say that the alien in female but we have no solid information as of yet. Remember the alien in armed and dangerous, I repeat the alien is - " Gohan threw the radio across the room.  
  
"$210. So since you broke my TV, the other radio, computer and demolished 5 irreplaceable vases. Let me see you owe about. . . $210,100. But we have insurance for everything so that doesn't matter." Vegeta said lazily. He sat back on the couch almost tempted to take a nap.  
  
"But I just can't sit back and wait!!! For all I know they might hurt Piccolo!!" Gohan practically shouted. The demi-saiyan hopped from one foot to the other as if he had to really go pee.  
  
Vegeta cocked an eyebrow. "You should be more worried 'bout the humans rather than the namek. Especially under her . . . . condition, it'd be hard to tell if she'll stay a homicidal bitch for long. Makes me kinda wonder how long she'll have before she goes all soft and innocent. HA! Piccolo soft and innocent that'll be the day!"  
  
Gohan growled viciously, "WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!?!?!?!"  
  
The prince glared long and hard at the halfling. "You do know that right now I could be doing anything I want. I could be sparring, sleeping, eating, training, or be practicing the dark arts. But NO I'm here helping your sorry ass fix up all the mess YOU have been asking for, none of this was my fault. You asked for some help I give it to you, you ask for an LP I make one and here you are asking for my help, and what am I doing? Helping you, and what do you do in return for all the work I've been doing? Bitchin' at me. My ass is on the line here not yours. 'Cause I'm the one doing all this illegal magic shit and if the LEPrecons find about this I could be sentenced to lose my soul hear me?!"  
  
Gohan lowered his head, "Sorry. I was just. . . do we still have to do the booth thing?" he asked willing him to say he had another idea.  
  
Vegeta sat up straight, "We? What is this 'we' you're talking about? I'm made the booth, painted the sign AND provided the anti-potion now all you have to do is to do what I told you to do. Now school starts in about 10 minutes so you better go. Good luck. . . . lover boy."  
  
Gohan stomped out of the house followed by the saiyan prince's hysterical laughter.  
  
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{I can't believe I'm doing this. But I'm SO desperate! Damn me and requesting a Love Potion! Look at this mess! ARGH!!!!} Gohan sulked as a wave of students surged over toward his booth. The booth had a sign posted over it that read; FREE KISS AND LEMONADE!!!  
  
(Let us take a moment of our time and laugh our asses off at this point ...................................................... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ........... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ...................... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ...................... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ........... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ........... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ........... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ...................... ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ...................... ............................................................................ ................................... you may stop now)  
  
"HEY MOVE IT!!!" A male voice shouted. And before he could blink Sharpner, one of Gohan's buds, was in front of the demi-saiyan. The blonde human smiled up at the demi saiyan with sparkling eyes. Gohan closed his eyes shut and swallowed a whimper. {If my dad were alive right now what would he say?}  
  
~~~~~~~~~ Goku standing on a cloud with a halo on his head. "Son this is a test. A test that'll separate you from the men and the - ~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Dad's right. This'll separate me from the men and the boys." Gohan muttered before he bent down and - I absolutely REFUSE to write in what happens next!  
  
~~~~~~~~~ "Gohan. . . You didn't let me finish. . . what I was going say was. . . this is a test that'll separate the men from the gays! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Goku laughs evilly. He grows horns, he sprouts a red forked tail, his eyes glow red, he grows long sharp talons, sharp razor sharp teeth, devil wings sprout from his back. He grabs the halo and eats it. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! GOHAN I PROCLAIM YOU GAY!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" ~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gohan nearly fainted.  
  
________________________  
  
"Trunks! What the hell are you doing with my Mind Dream Crystal?!" Vegeta growled. He entered his room fuming when he found his only son holding the ONLY working MDC in the universe. The MDC allowed people to form thoughts into another person's head whether they were awake or not.  
  
Trunks looked up at his dear father with a look of pure evil that made him look incredibly like his father. "Oh just making a certain demi-saiyan's life a living hell. Something you'd do." The small boy walked over to his father and showed him the small palm sized crystal that had a flat smooth surface. The saiyan father's anger immediately turned into pride of his son when he saw the thought image his son had sent to Gohan.  
  
"Kid. You're gonna make one hell of an malevolent mage when you grow up." Vegeta said with a smirk. The two smirked in unison and when Bulma came in to the room she stood shocked by the likeness between them.  
  
"Oh no." Bulma groaned, "Not ANOTHER evil psychopathic homicidal killer in the family!" She said exasperated. She recalled, with a sigh, her Uncle Jeykle (sp?). 


	20. A secret dungeon? Man DM's not normal

"Oh. . . . my head. . . my head. . . . my damned head." Piccolo groaned clutching her head with bloodied hands. "I'm gonna. . . . oh gawd." The namek puked. Piccolo looked at her own puke with disgust, "I can't believe I just did that . . . What the hell am I wearing?" She looked down at the black leather pants, black tight shirt, black leather boots, black leather jacket, and black fingerless gloves.  
  
"Freeze beast!" A police officer was holding up an elephant shot gun. "Stay still or I'll shoot."  
  
Piccolo raised an eyebrow then shrugged. "Whatever." She climbed to her feet and dusted off. "What now?"  
  
"Um. . . .err. . . FREEZE! You have the right to remain silent!" The cop stuttered. Deputy sheriff Shay was obviously new on the job and had never encountered an alien, much less one that could talk. He was 5'11 and thin, not slender I mean thin as in paper, he had a messy mass of blonde hair on his head and green eyes.  
  
"So you gonna take me in? Handcuff me?" Piccolo asked nonchalantly. "No? Fine I'll just leave." And with that said she flew off leaving a bewildered deputy stunned on the ground below.  
  
Shay fell backwards and said in a tense voice, "Now what am I gonna tell the others?"  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
"There! I did it! I . . .I de-love-potionized everyone! Now can we go help Piccolo?!" Gohan asked sulkily. I'm sure you know the reason why, so there.  
  
Vegeta hmphed not taking his eyes off the page he was reading in a magazine, "No need. She's off the stuff now. Piccolo's back to normal and I do believe she's on her way here to kill you for dumping that stuff into her drink. Remember when you told her about dumping some stuff in her drink? She's pissed and is on her way to eat your bloody carcass." He turned the page. "Did you know that if you farted, non-stop, for 47 months and lit it up you'd get an explosion equal to that of the atomic bomb that was dropped in Hiroshima?"  
  
"I'M ABOUT TO GET KILLED BY MY EX AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS FARTING?!?!?!?!?!?!" Gohan yelled in anger.  
  
"Nah. I'm also thinking about the fact that I should be baby-sitting Trunks and Kakarrot brat 2, but they seem to be playing nicely in my dungeon."  
  
"Dungeon?" The demi-saiyan said his eyes growing wide.  
  
"Basement, five meters from the left of the door turn right to face the wall 6 bricks up 12 bricks from the left. Press the brick, an opening will appear go in get a torch and light it, close the opening by slapping the green brick, and slap HARD. Then go up the stairwell, despite the sounds you hear, go right then open the BLACK door. NOT the gold door. I can't stress that enough. Oh and do be careful, before you actually enter stick the torch in first or you'll die. You'll not only be safe there but you can watch over the two brats." Vegeta said nonchalantly.  
  
Gohan walked down to the basement, "Why should I be surprised he has a dungeon?! After all he is a mage!"  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
"And this is my favorite item! The Iron Maiden! Now the Iron Maiden was constructed in the Funfeckiger Castle Tower in Nuremberg, Germany in 1533. Despite early written reports of this torture device, there wasn't an actual example of it discovered until the 1890's. The device is shaped like a maiden and has doors which open. The inside of the doors contain sharp pointed devices which would penetrate the body laying in the chamber. As shown" Trunks said. The you boy opened one of the doors of the device and pointed out all the spikes that was stuck all over the inside of it. Goten 'oohed' and 'ahhed' while taking some snap shots. "The whole device sat over a trap door and flesh eating fishes would swim in water below the trap door. The Iron Maiden was principally used in Germany.  
  
"The spikes on the inside of the doors had similar spikes, when the accused was inside the doors were closed slowly. The object of the device was not to use the Iron Maid to quickly kill someone but rather inflict anguishing pain and punishment. Then again there was a written reference to the Maiden used for execution in 1515. Although an accurate history of the Iron Maiden is not clear, there is evidence that is was used as early as August 14, 1515. On that day, a German who had forged coins was tortured with the device. As the doors were slowly shut, spikes penetrated the forger's body just enough to cause excruciating anguish but not enough to kill him. Crying in vain, the forger lived two days. Well that's the end of our tour."  
  
Goten clapped, "Great tour! I really really liked The Guillotine better though. But the Iron Maiden is my second favorite."  
  
The lavender haired boy grinned, "Cool, The Guillotine is my 3rd fav but my 2nd fav is The Electric Chair."  
  
Goten walked over to The Electric Chair that sat high on a platform, "I wish this thing had some power. But you're dad probably thinks we'll kill ourselves on this thing. . . . . you're dad sure is cool."  
  
Trunks walked over to his friend and beamed, "My dad is the coolest! How many other dads do you know have their very own secret dungeon AND a whole collection of torture devices AND know how the secrets of witchcraft AND is a prince! None I bet!"  
  
Goten smiled, "You're right. Can we go to The Guillotine again? I wanna cut up a watermelon!"  
  
Trunks sighed, "Again? You've done it at least a dozen times. . . . but I am getting pretty hungry again. Hey! We can go play with Harmonica after." Trunks dragged the son of Goku towards the watermelons.  
  
"Harmonica?" The black haired demi-saiyan questioned. The two halflings each grabbed a watermelon and headed toward The Guillotine.  
  
"Dad's pet. He named her Harmonica because he really likes it when people playing the harmonica. But despite the fact that he's all gutsy, and I mean gutsy literally, he's the nicest."  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
"All right spill it Vegeta! Where is Gohan." Piccolo growled. She had landed in the Briefs' backyard. The namek had her old attire back on and was interrogating the prince on the whereabouts of the demi-saiyan she wished to destroy.  
  
"Don't know and don't care." Vegeta snarled back.  
  
"You do know!" Piccolo spat, "And in any case I know he's here somewhere, that little son of a - "  
  
"Vegeta! Where's Trunks and Goten?" Bulma yelled out the question through an open window. She stuck her head out and waited for an answer.  
  
"They're with Gooooooooooooozende. Yeah Gozende he's a brother of Dende's from Namek who came to visit the guardian and the brats wanted to go fishing with him. . . yeah. . . ." Vegeta glanced at Piccolo who's eyes narrowed dangerously.  
  
"Oh that's nice." Bulma went back inside. She didn't even notice the nervous expression on the saiyan's face.  
  
"Gozende, eh? Funny how I never saw him on the Lookout, or even sensed his ki before." The namekian warrior said menacingly.  
  
"Well. . . uh. . . you see he doesn't actually live on the Lookout at the moment and uh. . . . he has a device on him that hides his . . . . . . . You aren't buying any of this crap are you?" The prince said dully.  
  
"I wasn't born yesterday. Now tell me where he is! The sooner I rip out his heart and devour it that better!" She glowered.  
  
"Basement, five meters from the left of the door turn right to face the wall 6 bricks up 12 bricks from the left. Press the brick, an opening will appear go in get a torch and light it, close the opening by slapping the green brick, and slap HARD. Then go up the stairwell, despite the sounds you hear, go right then open the BLACK door. NOT the gold door. Or else. But before you actually enter stick the torch in first or you'll die. And if you see my pet, Harmonica, do not, I repeat DO NOT attack it or scream just pat his head and ihe won't kill you."  
  
"Whatever." Piccolo grunted. She walked down to the basement and sniffed, "He's been here." she growled.  
  
____________  
  
What will happen next? 


	21. Harmonica the monster and Silhouette the...

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARMOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Trunks called, "Harmonica! I want you meet my shrcoone!"  
  
"Shrcoone?" Goten asked puzzled.  
  
"Shrcoone means playmate. Harmonica can speak but he can only speak this one language that dad taught him. But he understands our language just not speak it." Trunks said, "Here he comes." The young saiyan pointed towards a dark shape that was slithering its way up. Goten would've missed the shadowy movement were it not for his friend.  
  
"Kiashku, tra-c-vua wazxi zwag? Zcquay tra-c-zue wazxi Gouyuo?" Harmonica said. Harmonica was, as Trunks had said previously, literally gutsy. (Harmonica is just like that mutant creature from the movie Resident Evil, you know the one that attacked that girl and guy on the train. If you haven't seen Resident Evil, then you MUST see it.)  
  
Goten eyes widened in wonder at how such a creature could survive without any skin to cover it. Trunks stepped up and said excitedly, "Gouy tra ghreui. Flet na ewr kiaskatu-dre medir jwqe? Gwekyuro-tso!!!!! Oh. . . oksxza Goten!"  
  
"G. . .go. . . go. . .ten. . . Go-ten." The creature said the halfling's name as if tasting it for the very first time. "Kiashku naeyr." Harmonica said. The literally skinless creature's long tongue stretched out and licked Goten on the cheek. "Kkrrrrrrakco. Shwiz xzasa."  
  
"Harm, that's short for Harmonica, said that he likes you! Oh and he said that you're gonna become a great fighter when you grow up, only not as cool and great as me!" Trunks beamed. The lavender haired boy turned to Harm once more. "Flet na ewr kiaskatu-dre medir jwqe? Gwekyuro-tso!!!"  
  
Harm made a sound that was a bit like a sigh, "Grqu."  
  
"YAY! Harm said he'd play with us!" Trunks said energetically, "So what do you want to play Goten?! The Beheading Of Marie Antoinette or The Witch Burning At The Stake or World War II??!!"  
  
Goten thought for a moment, "Well. World War II sounds bloody disgusting gross and dangerous, The Witch Burning At The Stake sounds too sexist, and The Beheading Of Marie Antoinette sounds revolting so I chose World War II!"  
  
______________________________________  
  
"I can't believe I went down! And Vegeta specifically told me to go UP. I am so stupid, no wonder Piccolo hates my guts and wants to kill me!" Gohan muttered. The demi-saiyan sighed, he was hanging upside down tied up, from neck down, in a spider web cocoon. He looked across from him only to discover in complete horror that Mr. Briefs' cat hadn't actually run away, yup the black kitty was dead all right. Wrapped tightly in a small cocoon and drained of all it's blood so it resembled a black prune. The cat wasn't the only victim though, remember Icarus? Pikachu? That orange dino thing from digimon? My sister's annoying red Christmas Furby? Britney Spears. . . . okay this is just getting weird.  
  
"So I see the spider got you two eh?" Gohan looked to his left and was shocked to see Piccolo there. "I went through the golden door - and you?" she said dryly.  
  
"Down the stairs. Vegeta gave in and told you where I was, didn't he?" Gohan said with annoyance.  
  
"Never underestimate the power of a determined yet dangerous woman." The she-namek said. "The spider is coming back!"  
  
The giant black widow spider was coming back, it's fangs were drooling with venom.  
  
______________________________________  
  
"A LITTLE TO THE LEFT! YEAH THAT'S PERFECT!!" Mart yelled. The 40 year old sighed. It was one thing to have an arena destroyed, but by a flying man?! Many eyewitnesses said repeatedly that a small flying man shot a blast of light at the stadium and completely obliterated it. Mart sighed, "I guess they had a one drink too many those people." He muttered before setting up for work again.  
  
______________________________________  
  
"Ha! Die fool! No one can escape my wrath!!!" Trunks said. The demi-saiyan was wearing a mini war uniform and was holding a machine gun loaded and ready.  
  
Goten was wearing a similar get up as Trunks only he had a bazooka, "Not if I can say anything about it! I shall roast your carcass!" Goten lowered his bazooka a bit then said cheerfully, "Then merinade it in lemon and clam juice, then put a dash of salt for flavoring with a hint of rosemary! Then mix some Gravy to pour all over you, prepare some baked potatoes and mashed potatoes then - " Goten stopped and put his hand behind his head when he saw the disturbed faces of his other two companions. "Oops, sorry. My mom always talks that was about roasting stuff and I guess it rubbed of on me! Heh."  
  
Harm and Trunks sweat dropped. Who knew how sane this mini-me of Goku was? Was he as weird as his dad? Or just naïve? Or is this just an act to make us think he was naïve? "Uh that's okay Goten. . . . ." Trunks said.  
  
*Young pup?*  
  
|Yeah Harm? |  
  
*Friend of yours. . . . is sane enough to be trusted?*  
  
|Well. . . . . He hasn't bitten me yet. . . or been frothing at the mouth so he's sane enough. . . . I hope. |  
  
*As you say son-pup. Oh and young pup Trunks?*  
  
|Yeah Harm? |  
  
*Where is Alpha Leader? I sense that Silhouette has caught something in web. . . . two people. I must tell Alpha.*  
  
|Dad? Uh. . . . . He should either be in the GR or out in the backyard. |  
  
*Ah yes young pup right. When next will he visit?*  
  
|I dunno. It should be soon though. |  
  
*Yes soon. I hope* Harm telepathically sent before yawning.  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
"So. . . . Baba. What do you think Gohan's chances are?" Goku asked as he watched his son and namekian friend.  
  
"I'd say about a gazillion to 0. Though I could be wrong. Love works is mysterious ways." Baba said looking into the crystal ball of hers. "But I don't think his chances are improving much. Especially when he starts singing love ballads to her. Or when he starts reciting love poems. Or when he becomes her eternal slave in the future. Actually he never really had a chance at all, except maybe when they went to the amusement park, but that's just MY opinion. What do you think?"  
  
"They'll never make it." Goku said dully, "For one thing Gohan is definitely not Piccolo's type. Plus the fact that she isn't even interested in dating - only in being left alone to do lord-knows-what. And Gohan is a - don't ever tell anyone I said this but - a nerd, Piccolo however. . . she is well. . intelligent but not nerdy. . . more like in between nerd and cool only leaning more onto cool. Second of all well. . . they're six years apart in age with Piccolo being older. So . . . yeah there are my reasons."  
  
"Yup. I agree with you Goku." Baba nodded her head.  
  
________________________________________________________  
  
". . . And then I told Bazcha, "I don't care who YOU are buddy you're MY mate so I get to eat YOU!" And so I ate him, but he wasn't that good tasting." Silhouette said. The gigantic black widow smiled at her new found friend. The spider always talked to her victims before eating them but the green girl was a really fascinating person that she liked so much that she cut her and her friend loose. The black widow decided to hide her when the Master came to inspect her captures. The boy on the other hand. . . well she think about him some more. Gohan sat stiffly beside Piccolo getting even more uncomfortable by the minute.  
  
"Wow! I wish it were that way with humans, you know what I mean? You mate with you mate then if they aren't fast enough to escape you eat them!" Piccolo said with a grin. "Males are so weak compared to the feminine gender. We appear soft, weak, directionless and - dare I say it? -afraid of everything. But the basis of our dangerous power. And when the time is right. . . . we have no hesitation to strike." The namekian female grinned even more evilly.  
  
"I know. Our capacity for revenge and retaliation is legendary. Why else do males try to control and conciliate us? Because they are afraid. . . ." Silhouette grinned.  
  
Gohan gulped, this conversation was getting REALLY uncomfortable but his own uneasiness was drawing the other two female's gaze. "Please don't eat me." he said with a squeak.  
  
The other two laughed with mirth . . . or was it an evil laugh? "I won't let her eat you Gohan. I want to kill you myself but this is not the time nor place." Piccolo said patting her friend's hand.  
  
"Wow! That makes me feel a whole lot better!" Gohan said sarcastically. He realized his mistake when the titan of a spider glared all her eyes down at him.  
  
"Don't worry Silhouette. I don't feel offended. I get it all the time from Dende - who thinks I'm the devil's girlfriend or something. I can't honestly blame him though, my room does look awfully like a Satan worshippers den, but doesn't have to be so mean about it."  
  
Silhouette hmphed, "Men are deranged freakish monsters that all deserve to die!"  
  
"Really? Silhouette how kind of you to say." Vegeta strolled in from the entrance behind the spider.  
  
"M. . . . . M. . . M . . Master!" The spider immediately bowed. "Please forgive me s. . sire! I . . . I . . I just wanted a friend and - "  
  
"It's okay. It ain't your fault." Vegeta said cutting off the spider. "I told them the correct way to get in but they just didn't listen. Nobody listens to me these days!"  
  
"Vegeta. . . . can you take me to where Goten and Trunks are? I really think we should be getting home now, especially since its getting near to dinner. Mom will have a fit if we don't." Gohan said as he got up and removed a piece of web in his hair.  
  
"You're mom's coming over for dinner. The onna invited her over, so she expects you to be here anyway." The prince shrugged, "But you're welcome to follow me and find out what happened to your dear beloved brother." Vegeta turned and proceeded to walk out of the room with Gohan in tow.  
  
________________________________________  
  
"GOTEN!!!" Gohan called in horror. His brother's head was placed on the guillotine with the blade all the way down. Trunks had a black mask over his head and in his hand was the rope that caused the fatal blade to fall. "WHY YOU LITTLE!!!!" Gohan lunged at the lavender haired boy and attempted to strangle him.  
  
"Graco hoset?" Harm said coming out from behind Vegeta.  
  
"Fine. I dealt with Sill. She found a captive with whom she can relate her savage hate for males with."  
  
The skinless friend of Vegeta's flicked out his tongue, "Grugca. Hoset maaaaaaaaarn *growl* rgwwwwquiat."  
  
"Don't worry. Trunks is a tough guy he can handle being strangled by Gohan."  
  
Harmonica sighed, "Grakuis, grakuis."  
  
___________________________________  
  
  
  
  
  
I hope that makes up for not writing in such a long long long long time. 


	22. Rubik's Cube and other stuff

"Bro!" Goten shouted. Gohan spun around with his eyes wide in surprise as Goten took his head out of the wooden hole where the blade had fallen.  
  
"Goten! What. . ? How?!" Gohan stammered. His iron grip around Trunks' neck was suffocating the boy but did Gohan care? Noooo!  
  
"It's a holographic guillotine! See." Goku's mini-me stuck his hand through the device. "We were just playing and all. It was my turn to be beheaded."  
  
"Oh." Gohan released Trunks and walked over to his brother.  
  
Vegeta walked over to the lavender haired boy with a frown. "All right what have I told you about beheading people?" He crossed his arms with a grim look on his face.  
  
Trunks stood up with his hands behind his back, looking down at the floor with a guilty look on his face, "I know I know. Use the real guillotine. I really didn't want to kill him. . . . yet."  
  
"Fine, I'll let it go this time but next time don't use the holographic projector for your games. Think of what the other wizardlings and witchlings will think. . . or do."  
  
Trunks paled at the thought of being turned into a toad. . . .again. "I know and thanks for turning me back. I didn't know if I could've been able to stand being a toad any longer, do you think you could help me with alchemy? I have to turn something into charcoal using only the 5 basic element potions."  
  
The prince grinned at the thought, "When I was your age I turned my alchemy teacher into charcoal."  
  
Trunks gaped at his father in surprise, "You mean Mistress Scipioni?! With ONLY 5 basic element potions!? Is that why she doesn't like me?!"  
  
Vegeta nodded solemnly with a grin, "Yes, yes and yes. She would've given my an F-, too if it hadn't been for the Headmaster Hale. He was visiting the class that day and was so surprised, that a 2nd year could do something you learn in your 12th year, that he had me take this test. The test was to see if I was smart enough for 12th year schooling."  
  
"Did you pass?"  
  
"Yeah. I got perfect, I studied hard for that test so I could skip the other grades and start learning some hard stuff. Turns out that the test was the 12th year end of the year test. Basically its compiled of all the things you learn throughout Mage School. I graduated early, like my mom." He shrugged. "Mom my passed in her 2nd year, my grandpa passed in his 2nd year, my great grandma passed in her 2nd year. . . and etc."  
  
"If the graduating-early-from-Mage-School thing is in the genes how come I haven't passed yet?!" Trunks complained.  
  
"You don't see the pattern do you? Mother to son, the son becomes a father, Father to daughter, daughter becomes mother, Mother to son and so on. Basically your sister is gonna have the graduating-early-from-Mage-School thing in her genes."  
  
"What if don't have a sister?" Trunks asked.  
  
"Then. . . . your daughter gets the genes and if you don't get married or don't have daughters then the line of sorcerers in our family will cease to exist."  
  
"Gracos, dracor !fgry greei *howl* frqast grisdvras." Harmonica said flicking his long tongue in anguish.  
  
"Gracos. Trunks axzewos *growl* manbde ytk *howl* frqast." Vegeta responded.  
  
"But dad! It's YOUR turn to wash Harm not mine! That is so cheap of you taking advantage of ME being you son!"  
  
The saiyan prince smirked, "Let's just say this is pay back for all the times you've pulled a prank on me."  
  
___________________________________________  
  
  
  
Nothing exciting happened at dinner, the 3 halflings and 1 saiyan didn't mention any secret passages in the basement and they all drank and were very very merry. They were all happy and polite and had a wonderful meal without anything that went wrong. Piccolo and Gohan made arrangements for a date and Vegeta was actually nice to Bulma.  
  
If you believed any of that then you must either be (a) an idiotic baka of a moron (b) have brain damage (c) are really that gullible or (d) aren't much of a DBZ fan. So here's what really happened:  
  
The people who had saiyan blood in them were fighting over the biggest pieces of meat and ate like pigs. Trunks accidentally flung food at his father, Vegeta flung food intended for Trunks but the boy ducked and it hit Chi Chi instead. Then they had a food fight, after the war the men and boys had to clean up the mess while the women watched a tape. Piccolo was there watching with Chi Chi and Bulma, the tape they watched? How To Tame Men.  
  
___________________________________________  
  
Gohan landed on the lookout with a darkly wrapped box that had skulls and dragons all over it, "Hey Dende! Mr. Popo!" the halfling called.  
  
Dende looked up from the flower bed he and Popo were inspecting. The guardian of Earth immediately beckoned for the demi-saiyan to come over. "Hey Gohan! I just want to know if we're still good for a rematch on that chess game we never finished."  
  
"Oh sure thing! But you do know I'll beat you." Gohan said smirking with an arrogance similar to that of Vegeta's.  
  
Dende blinked then shook his head, "Humph, you still seem to underestimate me Gohan! For you see Gohan I've grown in intellect and am more cunning than your average namek as well as. . . hey! Where'd he go!?" Dende exclaimed looking around in confusion.  
  
Mr. Popo laughed, "He slipped away while you were making your speech about your increased intellect and cunning." He said with a grin.  
  
"Ha ha. He was probably anxious to get back to his little 'crush." Dende shook his head, "Poor guy. I never even had the chance to warn him about her wretched mood."  
  
_____________________________  
  
"Hey Piccolo! Open up it's Gohan!" The demi-saiyan knocked again. "Oh come on! I have something from my mother that she wanted to give you!" he shouted.  
  
"Give me a minute will ya?!" Piccolo shouted through the door. Footsteps, the door flung open and Piccolo scowled menacingly. "What now spawn of the demon?!" she growled.  
  
"Uh. . um. . . here!" Gohan stuttered. He shoved the box at Piccolo who tore open without hesitation.  
  
"What is this?!" The namek growled. She held a Rubik's cube in her hand.  
  
"A Rubik's cube. Now why did mom give you one of those? Here let me show you how it works." Gohan said taking the cubed object into his hand. He then proceeded to twist and turn it this way and that mixing up all the colours. He handed the cube back to Piccolo. "Now you have to match the colours all together into one colour block."  
  
"And the point of this is?" The namek said impatiently as she started twisting it this way and that.  
  
"The point is to see if you're smart enough to put it back together. But then again I still don't know why mom gave you that." Gohan said scratching his head.  
  
"Done." She said gruffly handing the cube back to the amazed demi-saiyan. The cube was completely done and it wasn't even 5 minutes yet.  
  
"How. . . . ? But you. . . ."  
  
The namekian female scowled, "I may look stupid but I'm not."  
  
"NO! I didn't mean that! What I meant to say was just well. I haven't met anyone who's ever solved a Rubik's cube that fast, I mean not even I can't solve one and . . . . . ." Gohan stopped noticing that fact that Piccolo's eyes were glazing over.  
  
"Is that it? Or do you have anything else you'd like to bore me with?" she snapped.  
  
\What's shoved up her ass? \ Gohan thought acidly.  
  
"What's shoved up my ass?!" Piccolo growled baneful. "I'll show you what." Her voice went deadly quiet as she approached her ex-pupil slowly.  
  
_______________________________________________________  
  
"Am I in heaven?" Gohan asked groggily. He stared up into a white light with a smile on his face, "I am." He said with a sigh.  
  
"No you're not." Vegeta said bending over the demi-saiyan.  
  
"OH NO! If you're here then this must mean. . . . . NO! I'M IN HELL!!!!!" He yelled wide eyed.  
  
Vegeta scowled, "I'd hit you, but you're not worth wasting energy over at the moment." Then he added, "That and the fact that you're almost dead."  
  
"I'm still alive?" He said suddenly feeling every little owie on his body. Agonizing, lacerating, excruciating, harrowing . . those were all understatements of the true pain and agony Gohan was feeling at the moment. The pain was even worse than the bruises he got from Frieza, Nappa, The Ginyu Force and Cell combined. He was in a hospital room wrapped head to toe in bandages and was restrained to a bed thing like his father after the fight against Vegeta and Nappa. "Can I have a senzu bean? Please? I don't like it here."  
  
"Sorry kid, I can't. Piccolo banned everyone from giving you one, hell even your mother is afraid to sneak one to you with the namek in one of her violent moods." Vegeta shook his head, "Don't you know not to approach a woman in one of those moods? Are you not aware of their dangerous killing prowess? Do you not know that every woman has the unique ability of killing without regret? Are you even paying attention to anything I'm saying?! GOHAN!"  
  
"What?" Gohan turned his head, "Oh yeah, women can kill. I know." he said.  
  
"I give up." The prince said looking to the ceiling, "I tried I tell you, I tried! But no, he has the attention span of a teenager!"  
  
"I am a teenager!" Gohan protested.  
  
"Yeah yeah. That's what they all say. C-ya when I feel like it, oh and you got about 2 weeks to prepare for the Tournament 'cause that's when the stadium is gonna be restored and all." Vegeta said gruffly before leaving the room.  
  
"Great. Just perfect. I wish I could. . . . . . Videl?" Gohan said. The black haired girl was standing outside his room with a surprised look on his face.  
  
Videl entered the room with a quirked eyebrow, "What happened to you?" she inquired.  
  
"I got beaten up. Why? And what are you doing here?" Gohan asked suspiciously.  
  
"My dad. He sorta broke his nose when I accidentally punched him. I heard you and that guy that just left talking so I came in here to make sure I wasn't hearing things." she said with a shrug, "Who exactly beat you up? With your powers and all I don't expect anyone to be able to beat you."  
  
"Did you see the flame haired man who just left the room?" she nodded, "Yeah him. It was an accident we were sparring." He lied. There was no way in the world he was gonna tell her about being beaten up by Piccolo, a girl! The demi-saiyan had a drastic pride increase since he started hanging out with Vegeta. "Oh and sorry about dumping in the water and all, I wasn't in the greatest moods and I had a problem. . . . ." he lied again.  
  
"That's all right. I kinda figured I caught you at a bad time, besides it was only a threat you wouldn't really kill me. . . I think. . . ." she said uneasily.  
  
Gohan smiled grimly through all the bandages, "Tell you what. To make up for scaring you so much why don't I teach you how to fly? Just come to my house after I heal, okay?" he said.  
  
Videl grinned, "Really? You mean it?" Gohan nodded, "All right! I could just hug you! But I won't because of all your bandages."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, just make sure you show up." Said Gohan.  
  
"Hey. You said earlier that you had a problem. Did you solve it or do you need some advice?" Videl asked. "'Cause maybe I can help you."  
  
"Well you see. . . . there's this girl. . . ."  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Hhhhhmmmmm. . . Maybe Gohan will get some good advice this time. 


	23. A few years later & Gohan's daughter nam...

"Hey down there!" Gohan shouted. "Up here! Look at us!" Gohan, Pan and Goten were all doing some wacky Saiyaman pose on the roof of their house.  
  
Gohan's wife looked up from the ground and rolled her eyes at the antics of her husband, brother-in-law and daughter, "Make sure you call me when it's important next time. Like when you finally grow up!" she shouted back. The woman walked inside the house.  
  
Pan stopped posing, "Mom thinks we look goofy and crazy." She informed her father and uncle.  
  
Goten grinned, "Well I think this is fun! When big bro retires I'm gonna become his replacement!!!"  
  
"Well I'm gonna be 'Zerv'. The dark super hero with an anonymous past and murky future! No one in the world would know about the dark corrupted childhood she grew up in. Her kind loving mother died while she was 9 because her bumbling drunkard of a father raped and beat her mother to death one night in a drunken rage - "  
  
"HEY!" Gohan exclaimed in surprise and anger. "You know that never happened!!!!" he growled.  
  
The small girl shrugged, "I'm only 6 and Zerv's mother died at 9 because of . . . well I already said. So there is still sometime to change. . . ."  
  
"So basically you want me dead?" Piccolo said leaning onto the door that led to the roof. "Am I really that much of a bad mother?" she asked offhandedly.  
  
Pan-Toinette gasped wide eyed. "NO!!!" the violet haired girl ran to her mother and hugged her knee (that's how tall Pan-Toinette was). "I love you mummy! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I don't want you to die!!!" she buried her head into her mother's soft skin and sobbing.  
  
Piccolo smiled lightly through her bangs, "That's all right Panda-chan. I know you don't mean it." She picked her child up and patted her on the back.  
  
"Daddy won't kill you in a drunken rage will he?!" Pan-Toinette asked through watery eyes. "Cause I don't want you to die and I don't wanna live with daddy if he did kill you!" she wailed. The girl turned white with fear - which was amazing considering the fact Pan was light emerald in colour.  
  
Goten fell off the roof laughing hysterically while Gohan glared at his brother. The namek-woman scoffed, "Oh please! Your father's so sober that he's practically allergic to alcohol! Besides I'm more likely to kill your father in a drunken rage." She soothed.  
  
"I don't think that's a very comforting thing to say to her." Gohan said dryly. But to his amazement his golden eyed child stopped crying.  
  
"Oh okay. As long as you don't die then its okie-dokie with me!" Pan said with a smile. She hopped out of her mother's arms and ran to her room to play war with her GI Joe dolls.  
  
Goten laughed harder and started choking on his own spit (it happens to me so it is possible). Goten's brother scowled he heaved his wife over his shoulder and went inside. "That isn't fair! She practically adores you!"  
  
Piccolo grinned, "Ain't that the beauty of it all?" she said as he dumped her on the couch in front of the TV.  
  
Gohan rolled his eyes, he sat down on the couch and pulled his wife up close to him. "No. That means in the future she'll hate me. I want a son." He growled.  
  
His wife sighed, "Maybe later. But I want to watch Bolto II first." She grabbed the remote and turned the tube on.  
  
"You want to watch a cartoon?!" Gohan exclaimed in bewilderment.  
  
"Panda-chan got me hooked onto Disney Movies. PANDA!!! COME DOWN! BOLTO II IS ON!!!" Piccolo shouted from the couch.  
  
"YAY!!!" Pan-Toinette shouted as she tumbled down the stairs. The energetic bundle jumped onto her mother's stomach ("Ugh! Panda-chan! Watch it next time." Piccolo grunted.) and settled down happily. "Wait be right back!" she zipped into the kitchen.  
  
Gohan sighed, "I wish it were just you and me again." He whispered as he stroked his wife's hair.  
  
"And have you around all the time? Ha! No way!" The namek-woman plopped onto his lap wrapped her arms around him, "If it were just you and me I wouldn't really appreciate all the times we have alone."  
  
"I never thought of that." He said just as Pan zipped back with a TV Table Tray loaded with canned sodas, bowls of chips, popcorn and candy and a box of pizza. "Good call kiddo! The movie's starting."  
  
The little girl climbed onto her mothers lap and smiled as the movie started.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ __  
  
"A little more toad scale. And a pinch of fish hair ought to do it!" Vegeta said as he instructed his newest student in the art of sorcery.  
  
She did as she was told. "Is that it?" Bra asked lifting up her oversized black hood.  
  
"Yup now you have to think of someone you really hate." Trunks said.  
  
Bra shut her eyes and thought for a minute or two before saying, "Milkoy Undercrook. He's the nastiest bully at school, I'd beat him up myself but mommy told me that conflict with the fist isn't the way to solve things."  
  
Bulma nodded in approval at her daughter's wise words. "True, it's better to see them wither in pain WITHOUT them knowing it's your doing, than to see them wither in pain WITH them knowing it's your doing. That way they can't file a lawsuit." She glanced at her husband, "Now what?"  
  
Vegeta smirked, "Now we chant. Trunks you start off." He said handing his son a wart of frog.  
  
Trunks smirked back resembling his father in an eerie way. "Thanks the honors all mine." The demi-saiyan cleared his throat, "Milkoy Undercrook the Elementary thug, make him as ugly as a run-over pug, turn his face all warty and red, make him fat each time he is fed!!!" The boy threw in the wart and smoke billowed out of the cauldron. "Dad."  
  
"Milkoy Undercrook the Elementary bully, make him slow-minded like sheep that are woolly, make him uglier than the ugliest sea bass, then super-size his ugly fat ass!!!" Vegeta threw in scale of sea bass and the cauldron bubbled, "Bulma."  
  
"Milkoy Undercrook the Elementary meanie, turn his tongue into a small little beanie, make his hands webbed like a frog, and then give him the laugh of a hog!!!" Bulma threw in eyelash of pig. "Bra."  
  
"Milkoy Undercrook the Elementary sh*t ("VEGETA!!!!" Bulma shrieked), make him loose all his wit, turn his hands all scaly and numb, then make him Incredibly DUMB!!!!" she shouted and threw in a lump of dried turkey poop, the cauldron bubbled over. Then it stopped and the water inside the pot was still once again.  
  
"Did it work daddy?" Bra asked.  
  
Vegeta shrugged, "Maybe yes maybe no. It's hard to tell with group chants, sometimes the spell takes up too much magic that can't be provided by the mages present. At any rate we'll just have to see the subtle yet gradual development of the spell. If none of the changes we suggested act on him within a week then the spell didn't work or something else is going on."  
  
"Oh. Can we check in the cauldron pot if nothing happens?"  
  
"Sure." he said and followed Bulma the basement stairs.  
  
"Come on sis dinner time! Race you up stairs!" Trunks said with a grin.  
  
Bra smiled then zoomed upstairs calling behind her, "Last one their is a bazookazooo!!!!"  
  
Trunk followed allowing his sister to have the lead . . . . . . for awhile anyway. "First one there has to eat it!"  
  
__________________________________________________________________________  
  
THE END.  
  
So. There it is. The end. No sequel. But there is a fic related to this one call 'Life's Like That'. Go check it out. The fic happens when Bulma from the DBZ universe (the one where everyone is regular) zaps Gohan and Piccolo from one universe and Vegeta and Goku from another.  
  
Sayonara! 


End file.
